In the United States there was a sexual revolution that supposedly happened in the 1960s and 1970s. During that revolution, sex became less a sacred thing between husband and wife, and more a thing between two (or more) friends/strangers/acquaintances/cellmates. The funny thing was that, for a lot of women, it still wasn't fun. They were free to find as many sexual partners as possible, but those partners weren't able to get the women to orgasm. Then in the 1980s and 1990s, American women started focusing on enjoying themselves during sex. Instead of fulfilling their wifely obligations by letting their husbands grind away for two minutes, and roll over and fall asleep, they started insisting on a little "she" time. Shows like Sex and the City exposed the not-so-dirty little secret that women can be professionals, mothers, wives, etc, and still enjoy sex. The hard part, it turned out, was in getting their men to make a little effort. Unfortunately, in some places in the world, sex is still in the 1950s.


I've been married for six months. Both my husband and I had sex for the first time on our wedding night and I have never had an orgasm during sex. (And I know what an orgasm feels like because I masturbate). Every night is same for me: we have sex, my husband explodes within five minutes, and then it's over. He rolls over and falls asleep, and I masturbate to finish myself off. And it's not that he doesn't know about it. He knows very well that he has never given me an orgasm. At times he fingers me and helps me masturbate, but I want to enjoy sex as much as he does. Is it because of his penis? His penis is not that big. It's 5" and not that thick. I don't know what's wrong, please help me. I'm losing hope.


I'll be frank with you... your husband is just being lazy. It likely has very little to do with the size of his penis - 5" is only slightly below average. Unless it's really only as thick as a pencil, it's certainly big enough to do the job. The problem isn't the penis, it's the man.

In talking with a couple of girlfriends recently, they both wholeheartedly agreed that "he knows that first we take care of me, and then we take care of him." I think that your first move is to institute that rule in your house. It's lovely that he "fingers you and helps you masturbate" but if there's any chance of you having an intercourse-driven orgasm, it's only if you're already well on the way toward a non-vaginal orgasm. Get him to use his fingers and/or mouth to get you close to orgasm before he ever gets close himself. When you feel yourself getting very close, tell him then, and only then, is he allowed to put his penis inside. You'll also probably have better luck if you try having sex in positions in which the action of the penis going in and out of your vagina creates friction between your vaginal lips/clitoral hood and your clitoris. The best positions for this are generally ones where you have your legs tightly together - laying face down with your legs together, doggie-style with your legs tightly together, etc.

Another way for you to enjoy it more is to try a position where you or your husband can stimulate your clitoris while he's inside you. There are a lot of tantric methods that allow this, but probably the easiest is for him to lay on his back (men love this), and for you to straddle his hips. If you lean back while he's inside you, both you and he will have access to your clitoris - you can rub it like you normally do while masturbating, and you may find that the added sensation of his penis inside you will push you over the edge.

When it comes down to it, though, you need to tell your husband that sex isn't working for you. Communication in marriage is a two-way street - you say that he knows he has never given you an orgasm, but he may not know that it bothers you. Granted most men would be at least a little embarrassed if their wives had to resort to masturbation on a nightly basis, but it's possible he doesn't even know it's a problem. Tell him you want to try my suggestions because you think it's time you both enjoyed sex.