The internet has really sort of revolutionized dating and relationships. Desperate singles used to troll bars, dance clubs and supermarkets hoping to meet someone special. When they got really desperate they'd turn to personal ads in newspapers which would read something like: "DWM 38 seeks SWF 19-24 for PDA." And long distance relationships were either the result of people who were together at one point and had to move apart for some reason, or a mail-order bride gone awry. These days, however, the internet has spawned who knows how many "relationships" between people who have never met each other. And although there are certainly happy endings that come out of long-distance internet romances, there are a lot of unhappy endings as well.


Me and my friend Rajat have been friends for around eight years. For about a year, he's had a girlfriend through the internet. They've never met. During this time he also happened to meet another girl at his work. And he began to be interested in her, and proposed to her to be his girlfriend.

She never knew about his romance over the internet. He has lied to the new girlfriend about the internet relationship, and said that it's only a chat friend. Then his girlfriend over the internet came to know about the new girlfriend and wanted to break up with him. And she did breakup, but Rajat would not let her go. He lied to her and said that the new girlfriend is just another female friend. Now he is basically cheating both of the girls.

Moreover Rajat used to tell his close friends that he is not going to marry anyone. And that he is simply fooling around with these girls.

Worried about the welfare of his girlfriend, I called up her and told her that he is cheating on her. There was no trouble for me till this moment. Then, after she came to know the true nature of her boyfriend, she began calling me up and crying. I was able to comfort her for some days. But I know I'm not a great speaker or an advisor. And personally I've never been in love or cheated on anybody. So I would not know what to tell her and advise her to help her get along in her life.

For most Indian girls, love happens once in a lifetime. Or that's what they think. And his girlfriend is no exception. She's gone to the verge of suicide, too. But somehow, by god's grace, nothing happened. Now she is lamenting that she does not have a life, and wonders what's to become of her.

Recently her father died, too, and she is totally depressed. She's like a zombie in her daily life. I'd like to help her to become more confident in herself and get along in life. And to help her realize that if another good chance knocks on her door, she should welcome it. Otherwise she might end up in an arranged marriage.

Tell me, have I done a wrong by betraying my friend? So I'm asking you to help me - tell me about the rules of love. And how one should overcome a break up and getting cheated on?


I'm not sure I can answer whether or not you've done wrong by betraying your friend. Here's why - although I understand why you were compelled to tell the girlfriend he's a cheat, he could certainly make the argument that it was none of your business, and he wasn't really "cheating." Probably both women wouldn't be happy to hear about the other. The online girlfriend he's never met wouldn't be thrilled to find out there's a real, live girl to keep him warm at night, and the in-person girlfriend would be pissed to find out he's been hot-chatting with someone on the internet for a year. But… and this is a big but… he's really just not being honest with both of them. Does that rise to the level of "cheating"? I'm not sure. The in-person girlfriend (which, I'm assuming, is the one you told about the cheating) would need to get to the bottom of the internet relationship, but if he's never met the internet girl and doesn't plan to, is he really cheating? I agree that he's a jerk for not being honest with both of them, but I'm not sure he's a cheater. I suppose if looking back on it, you feel better that the girlfriend can move on with her life, then you did the right thing. Next time I'd say you should talk to him about it first. If you're still friends with him, there will probably be a next time.

As for your second question - how to get over a breakup and getting cheated on - well, different people get over things in different ways. Since she just lost her father, it's completely natural for her to be depressed. As time goes by, though, she will slowly start to come out of the depression. Usually when I hear a story like yours, the "friend" tells the girlfriend because he's got a crush on her himself, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here. You should think about her strong points, like what it was about her that made you want to tell her he was cheating, and when you have a chance to talk to her, tell her why you think she's a great person, and why you think she deserves better than Rajat. She's also young, and she has her whole life ahead of her. She deserves to be treated well, not to be lied to, and she will find the right person. She might even find him on the internet! Find Your Kind Online.