Petra Boynton has posted a thorough (and wonderful) report from her experience participating in The Sex Education Show, a six part series that aired on Channel 4 in the UK which aimed to "tackle the nation's sexual ignorance and reticence" about sex. I only wish we could see the whole episode featuring Boynton (you can only view it if you live in the UK), but her review of the experience, and what she did with the parents and youth is still well worth reading.

If you're less interested in the twists and turns of trying to provide meaningful sex information on television, but you'd like to know more about talking with kids about sex, skip to Petra's earlier post of the Fifteen Tips she gave parents for talking to your kids about sex. With October being Family Sex Ed Month in the U.S. what better time to try them out?

It might not be the first thing you do, but at some point you’re going to have to talk with your partner about these issues. If you don’t know where to start you might want to have a look at these tips on talking with your partner about difference in sex drive.

Start with yourself. It’s easy to blame your partner for problems in your relationship without considering what role you play in developing and maintaining the problem. This is particularly true when, on the surface, one partner is asking for more sex and the other is satisfied with the amount of sex in the relationship. It’s rare that one partner in a relationship completely satisfied while the other is not. Even if you think the problems all lie with your partner, ask yourself some questions about the situation to clarify your own needs:

• When did you become aware of a difference in sex drive?
• Do you know how much sex you’d like to have?
• If you’re satisfied with your sex life as it is, how do you feel when you hear your partner isn’t satisfied?
• If you’re dissatisfied with your sex life can you describe how without talking about the quantity?
• When you say you want sex what does that mean to you?
• When your partner asks for sex, what is it that you imagine they are asking for?
• Without putting all the responsibility on your partner, what do you think are some of the causes of the difference in sexual interest or desire?

These are only a few questions, but taking time for yourself to answer these can be good preparation for talking with your partner.

Talk to your partner. This one might seem obvious, but if you’ve been struggling with difference in sex drive for a while you may be at a point where you feel like you can’t talk about it anymore. When you get to that point it can often be helpful to seek out a counselor or therapist. If therapy isn’t an option and you’re feeling like you don’t know how to talk about these issues in a different way than you have in the past, you might find some ideas in these articles:

• Establishing ground rules for good sexual communication
• How to talk with your partner about your sexual concerns
• How to talk with your partner about differences in sex drive

Ultimately you need to be able to communicate with your partner in a way that isn’t about blaming each other. Try to remember that you’re in this together and the reason you’re struggling (presumably) is because you want to stay together. One way to change up the dynamic is to write a letter to your partner about how you’re feeling and ask them to respond by writing you a letter. Moving from talking to writing opens up many possibilities and can shake up old patterns that you both fall into when you talk about these issues.

Find a counselor or therapist. Some issues in relationships are so complicated and touch us so deeply that having a third party, someone who is there not for one partner or the other, but for the relationship, can be incredibly helpful. While therapy isn’t financially an option for everyone, if you can access affordable couples therapy or counseling you also benefit from the experience of other couples struggles with this very common problem. You don’t need to find a sex therapist as long as it’s a therapist who works with couples and is comfortable talking about sex (many aren’t!).

Finding self-help resources. There are dozens of books specifically about dealing with sex drive discrepancies in long term relationships. Often these books use the terminology of the “sexless marriage.” Finding a self-help book that works for you is always a matter of trial and error, and unless you have a limitless budget, going to the library and taking some time to flip through a few titles is a good way to get a feel for the tone of the book, what sorts of direct suggestions or help the book offers, and whether or not you feel the book is speaking to you. In my opinion the best book on this subject is Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. The book is not a step-by-step guide, but it is welcoming, easy to read, and offers the most complicated and nuanced approach for getting at what might be underneath the sex drive discrepancy that I have come across.

Explore sexual compromises. Just as you compromise with your partner on which movies you see, what you have for dinner, and maybe even where you end up living, long-term sexual relationships require sexual compromise. This doesn’t mean doing things you aren’t comfortable with, but it does mean having an open mind and being able to talk about your sexual preferences and desires honestly. Finding sexual compromise is much easier when all your sexual options are made visible. Often our sexual options seem narrow because we don’t really know what our partner desires. When we keep our desires secret it can appear as if we don’t have any, or only have the ones we are comfortable showing our partner on a regular basis. Uncomfortable though it might be, revealing our desires that we have kept hidden can be a crucial part of working through differences in sexual desire.

Definition:

Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by the herpes simplex viruses type 1 (HSV-1) and type 2 (HSV-2). HSV-1 is more commonly associated with cold sores or blisters in and around the mouth. Most genital herpes is caused by HSV-2. Genital herpes is a viral infection, which means that while symptoms can be treated, it cannot be “cured”.

Most of the time people infected with herpes show no signs of the infection. Signs of herpes in the mouth include cold sores and blisters that usually hurt. Signs of genital herpes include similar blisters (usually one or two) on or around the genitals and/or rectum. The blisters break, leaving tender sores that may take two to four weeks to heal the first time they occur. Over time the frequency of outbreaks will diminish, but the virus does not disappear.

Other signs and symptoms during an initial outbreak may include a second crop of sores, and flu-like symptoms, including fever and swollen glands. But most people with HSV-2 infection may never have sores, or they may experience mild signs that they do not even notice or that they mistake for insect bites or another skin condition.

A group of sex bloggers from the New York City area got together recently to produce a calendar as a fundraising effort for the newly formed not for profit, Sex Worker Awareness.

The calendar promises to be a fun and sexy send up of the classic pin up calendar. I haven’t seen the final version but having met several of the bloggers in real life and being a long time reader of several of the blogs included, I know I’ll be happy to have their smiling faces (and assorted other body parts) looking back at me in 2009. Lord knows it will be a happy change from the “Bush Countdown” calendar currently staring me down every morning.

Wanting to know more I got in touch with Tess, one of the featured bloggers and organizers of the calendar.

How did the idea for the Sex Blogger calendar come about?

I blame Twitter. Going through my several times a day ritual of catching up with the people I follow I saw one from Monk, a Seattle based blogger and rope master/purveyor, saying he was posing for a hot blogger calendar. There had been some tension in the NYC blogger scene in prior months and I was tired of focusing on the negative. It was time to move on and do something that would bring together the talented, sexy and sex positive writers I am lucky enough to know. My slight exhibitionist streak and the thought of being in a room surrounded by scantily clad women had nothing at all to do with it.

When I think of bloggers I guess I think of two kinds, those who blog because they'd like to get more exposure and be out there in some way; and those who blog because they're happiest communicating through multiple layers of technology. What can you tell us about the bloggers who posed for the calendar?

There is always the blogger who writes in an effort to get that elusive book deal and the fame or infamy that goes along with it. I think most of the group I've assembled for the calendar writes because they have important things to say and have found this medium an effective way of getting the message out.

Audacia Ray, Jamye Waxman, and Rachel Kramer Bussel are feminists who don't believe they have to negate their femininity to be progressive. All of us have something to say and we have found that people relate to it; be it my struggles at fifty with marriage, family and life and my dark erotica or Twanna's documenting of her life and relationships as a 30-something single woman in New York City. While I am aware of the ways the technology of blogging and the internet can shield you from having to have real life experiences, those multiple layers can make you insular, I don't think any of the women in this calendar has fallen victim to that. Each one is unique and vital and has something to say.

Blogging has allowed each of us to get our message out there, even if that message is as simple as complaining about the dumb ass who cut me off today or as universal and complex as coming to terms with our mortality and or showing people that you can have an amazing and rich sex life at any age.

It seems like calendars are a popular way of raising money and awareness for causes. Firefighters, flight attendants, Spanish mothers, long shore fishermen have all put their unique mark on calendars. What do you think a NYC sex blogger calendar says about the people in it? Do you think there's a unified statement?

I hope it is a unified statement. Even in our group, there are those whose thoughts on sex work have evolved and changed. As sex-positive women lucky enough to have a platform for our voices to be heard, we need to inform and empower our community. Sometimes people feel as though they are too insignificant to make much difference and so they don't even try. When you formed a group, even a small group, like the twelve of us who posed, you find you really can make something wonderful happen. But it wouldn't have happened without support of our sponsors who contributed funds and products and the web of bloggers who picked up our project and reposted it and linked to it, showing that our community is not just local to NYC but expands across the country and crosses borders.

Do you have a favorite month?

I don't think I can pick a favorite. We did a group shot which I really love because you can see all of us, women ranging from our early twenties to fifty, being flirty and sexy and silly. I think it also displays the sense of camaraderie I felt from the very inception of this project to the end. My favorite month is October because Halloween is my all time favorite holiday. I'm not 100% sure which of our bloggers gets to be Ms. October. Looks like I'll have to buy a copy to find out.

Where can people learn more about the Sex Work Awareness Project? And where can they buy the calendar?

The place to go would be Sex Work 101, a site meant to add to public knowledge about sex work and to encourage discussion about the issues sex workers face.

Sex Work Awareness believes that all sex workers have a right to self-determination; to choose how we make a living and what we do with our bodies.

Sex Work Awareness aims to empower our diverse community by building the capacity of sex worker-serving and sex worker member-based institutions as well as the skills and resources of sex workers themselves.

Sex Work Awareness also conducts research about sex workers and the sex industry in order to better understand it, develops public education initiatives, and advocates for the rights of sex workers.

To buy calendars, and remember all profits go to benefit Sex Work Awareness plus you just might win one of the many great products contributed by our sponsors (your purchase automatically enters you in the raffle of the week), please visit NYC Sex Blogger Calendar.

Dong Quai is seen as the ultimate female herb for sexual health and overall wellness and has been taken for thousands of years. Here we will look at the numerous benefits the herb provides...

Nutritional components

The herb contains a number of nutrients and has high concentrations of, Vitamins A, B3, B12, B-complex, C, E, as well as the following minerals - Calcium, iron, zinc, sodium, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, selenium, silicon, tannins and resin.

For peak sexual wellness a women needs to have correct hormonal balance, strong blood circulation to the genital region. Mental stress, Fatigue and anxiety can all see sexual desire plunge.

In recent years the importance of Estrogen in women's sex drive has been proven. Low estrogen levels are associated with lack of desire, arousal, and issues that may cause intercourse to be painful and levels need to be balanced.

Here are the major benefits that Dong Quai provides

A Blood Tonic

The herb is often diagnosed as a blood tonic. It works by strengthening, stimulating and harmonizing the blood and helping it flow to all extremities of the body. Some symptoms that can be associated with blood deficiency are: Menstrual disorders, pains or discomfort in the abdomen, pallid skin, tinnitus, blurred vision, and palpitations. Strong healthy blood flow is a key to enhanced libido.

When we get aroused our heart beats faster and blood needs to be pumped to the genitals and Dong
Quai assists in this.

Combating PMS and the Menopause

The herb contains zinc and calcium, which are often deficient in women suffering from PMS. It also helps to regulate hormonal balance. The herb helps reduce the symptoms of menopause and PMS, helps with menstrual cramps. It also balances estrogen activity within the body.

In conclusion, acts as a general tonic for the whole female reproductive system.

I find myself forever torn between the internal desire to say something that is meaningful to one person and the external expectation to say something relevant to large groups of people. This struggle makes me keenly aware that there’s almost nothing you can say about a big group of people that will be true or false for all of them. Unfortunately that awareness often ends in me not being able to write at all; which is a real problem when one of your jobs is writing. Talking about sexual myths is a good example of this.

When you label something as myth you’re implying there is something fictitious about it. The tricky thing about sexual myths is that while they may not be true for "most people" they might apply to individuals. So, for example, it’s a common myth that men crave sex all the time. This is one I constantly point out to readers who email me worried that their male male partners (or in some cases themselves) don’t feel like having sex at the drop of the hat. Yet there are some men who do crave sex all the time or at least say they do. But as soon as I say “it’s a myth” it sounds as if I’m saying to those guys who experience near constant sexual desire, “you’re not” or “there’s something wrong with you”. This is never my intention.

Calling something out as a myth shouldn't negate the experience for those to whom the statement applies. Instead, by clarifying sexual myths what I hope to do is point out that many of these beliefs are not based on any observable or demonstrable proof. I have my own funny relationship to things like evidence-based research. It’s not that I think demonstrable proof should have the final say. But it belongs in the mix way more than it currently is. The problem with sex is that while few of us realize we’re in control of our own sexual destiny we all feel like we should be in control of everyone else’s. Thus we’re all experts on “how sex is” or “how sex should be” when it comes to others, but when taking our own personal sexual stands we’re usually at a loss.

Thinking about sexual myths, why they evolved and what purposes they serve, and most importantly how they relate to our lived experience of sexuality, is one way to plant ourselves on somewhat more solid ground.

Persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) is a newly described disorder that is not yet fully understood or defined. It refers to the experience of persistent feelings of genital arousal (often described as “pelvic tension”) that are not associated with sexual stimulation of any kind, that don’t go away on their own, and that cause the individual pain or distress.

The disorder was originally called persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS) in the literature. The change in terminology was recommended because strictly speaking the problem is not sexual; it’s a problem with the genitals. While PGAD was first written about in the clinical literature in 2001, it is likely something that has been experienced by women for many years in silence.

PSAS Support is an excellent online support group for women experiencing persistent genital arousal.

Symptoms of Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder

Researchers are still describing this phenomenon and no criteria are agreed upon for what is and isn’t PGAD. But the first article to describe PGAD suggests that it should include the following features:

• Experiencing physiological response similar to sexual arousal (such as genital sensitivity or engorgement) that lasts for an extended period of time (from hours to days) and does not go away on its own.
• Physical signs are not related to feeling sexually excited or sexual desire.
• Physical experience may be triggered by nonsexual events or by nothing at all.
• Physical signs of arousal do not go away after orgasm, or may require multiple orgasms to go away
• The experience is considered intrusive and unwanted; and when it persists, can create significant distress.

A more recent paper proposed an additional feature: The experience of spontaneous orgasms which are not brought on by sexual stimulation and are intense.

Causes of PGAD

Not surprisingly, no single cause has yet to be identified. Researchers have proposed everything from neurological to vascular to physical to pharmacological to psychological causes. Several papers and anecdotal reports have proposed a connection between SSRIs and onset of PGAD. A recent case study suggested a connection to dietary intake of phytoestrogens. But not enough documented cases offer anything other than educated guesses at this point.

Treatment

In a review of PGAD, Sandra Lieblum, one author of the original persistent sexual arousal syndrome article, outlines four different courses of treatment that may provide relief. No single treatment has emerged, and it may be that treatments do not completely eliminate the condition. But they may help reduce pain, stress, and discomfort. Treatment options include:

1. Psycho-education and support.
   Knowing that you are not alone in your experiences, and that it isn’t “all in your head” or something you should be “thankful” for can go a long way in reducing stress and even symptoms. The support group psas-support is an important resource for anyone living with PGAD.
2. Identifying triggers.
   For some women, certain triggers make the pain or discomfort worse. Discovering what the triggers are can make it easier to avoid them.
3. Pelvic massage.
   Stretching and pelvic massage which can relax the pelvic floor muscles and increase awareness of stress and tension, may help in reducing pain. A physiotherapist or other healthcare practitioner with experience in pelvic issues may provide some help in this area.
4. Medications.
   Given that some medications may be related to onset of PGAD for some women, it is understandable that they may not want to pursue treatment. On the other hand, the experience can be so distressing that some women will take a “whatever works” approach. No single medications are recommended, and Lieblum suggests that finding one that works is a process of trial and error to be done with your physician.

How Common is PGAD?

The original study that analyzed data from women included 103 women, and the survey developed by the researchers has now been filled out by over 400 women online (as of October 2006). While it is likely that the experience of persistent genital arousal is rare, given the lack of emphasis put on sexual health in our culture, it’s possible that the disorder is more common than researchers think it is.

Whether or not it is rare, the fact is that for women living with PGAD the symptoms can cause extreme distress and have a significant negative impact both on their sexuality and their entire lives. Hopefully researchers will continue to investigate this condition, and women will continue to speak up and not suffer in silence.

Since the anti-depressant medication Prozac first became widely used (and highly publicized), much has been written about the negative sexual side effects of SSRIs . Antidepressants that fall under this drug class, like Prozac, can cause sexual dysfunctions including inability to get an erection, loss of libido, and problems with orgasms.

A rarer, but notable, side effect has been documented in women and men who are taking SSRIs and other antidepressant medications -- spontaneous orgasms.

Spontaneous orgasms have been documented through a series of case studies published since the late 1980s. The clinicians have no single definition for spontaneous orgasm.

In some cases, its defined by the experience of orgasm (as reported by a patient) without sexual sensory stimulation and where there is no other physical explanation for why the individual is experiencing sexual excitement and climax. In one case study, a male patient described having a second orgasm following a “regular” orgasm that occurred when no stimulation was taking place.

The nature of the orgasms change from case to case, and the majority of published case studies are of women. In one, a woman reported orgasms that lasted a few minutes each time, four to five times a day. In another, a woman reported spontaneous orgasms occurring 10 to 15 times per day that each lasted less than a minute. Sometimes the orgasms are a result of non-sexual stimulation (vibration from riding a subway, sensation from a bowel movement), and other times no stimulation at all is reported.

Case studies have documented spontaneous orgasms as a side effect of antidepressant medications including:

• fluxotine (trade name: Prozac)
• paroxetine (trade name: Paxil)
• citalopram (trade name: Celexa)
• bupropion (trade name: Wellbutrin).

While the orgasms change from case to case, a clearer pattern of when they would occur surfaced in a 2005 paper on spontaneous orgasm in those taking paroxetine. Spontaneous orgasms occurred within the first few weeks of treatment and would cease quickly once treatment with paroxetine ended.

What Causes the Side Effect of Spontaneous Orgasms?

Researchers do not fully understand why some antidepressant treatments, particularly the SSRIs, can cause this rare side effect in some individuals. Most of the authors of the case studies agree that the cause has something to do with the neurotransmitter serotonin, a brain chemical. However, exactly what happens in the body to cause this hasn't been established. One of the most recent reviews of several case studies suggests that such a rare side effect is likely the result of many factors working together.

The holiday season, we're told, is all about giving. It's a time for family, overspending, overeating, miracles, and occasional acts of charity. When you close your eyes and picture Christmas sex may not be the first thing that comes to mind. But is there a place sexual giving and receiving in the Christmas Story?

Like it or not, the answer is yes. Humans are sexual beings and sex is part of our everyday lives; Christmas included. But sex talk often gets lost around Christmas time, maybe because stress , too much alcohol , and spending time with your extended family are not the greatest aphrodisiacs.

This is a shame because sex can be one of those things that keep us going through the holidays. It can be an amazing pick-me-up or a tantalizing expectation to get through one more dinner with the older-brother-who-insists-on-controlling-your-life-passive-aggressively. But sex around Christmas time can require forethought and planning, otherwise it could end with a painful trip to the ER to have pine needles removed from your back, or a difficult-to-explain shortage of egg nog.

To inspire you to plan ahead, consider these simple but effective Christmas sex survival tips:

First Rule of Christmas Sex: Love Thyself

It’s always worth remembering that our first, longest, and most consistent sexual relationship is with ourselves. You might wait until after Christmas to buy yourself a present, but don’t wait until the holidays are over to show yourself some good loving. Whether or not you have someone else to have sex with over the holidays, you should make liberal use of masturbation as a form of stress relief, distraction, and therapy. Masturbation can also be very quick and very quiet sex, making it a versatile choice over the holidays.

To Hide or Not to Hide, That Is the Question.

Most people understand the concept of “coming out” as gay/lesbian/bisexual to family, but you may neglect to consider the ways you hide other aspects of your sexual personae from family and friends. You should never feel obligated to reveal parts of your sexual life to family, nor should you feel like you have to hide it. If you want to keep something secret, clean up. If you want to make it public, then talk about it. In some cases, you might choose to more passively leave something to be “discovered” but keep in mind that this can result in unpredictable reactions you may not want to deal with.

Clearing Out the Porn

Speaking of cleaning up…regardless of how open you want to be, if you’re having house guests, or traveling with your cell phone, laptop, or iPod, you should probably put the porn away. Nothing against porn, or even holiday porn consumption, but being exposed to pornography should be consensual, and flipping open your niece's laptop to check movie times probably isn’t the time you want to learn about her talents as an amateur pornographer. Regina Lynn, author of Sexual Revolution 2.0, and Wired's intrepid sex columnist and blogger covered some of these issues in a column about the dangers of unencrypted sexual content on your personal computer. Also, you might want to check out sex techie Violet Blue's guide to safe porn surfing which can help keep your computer free and clear of any unexpected pop ups or embarrassing banner ads.

Practice Quiet Sex

Christmas doesn’t have to mean no sex, even if you have limited privacy and time. The real trick is to maximize what you’ve got, and practice lots of quiet sex techniques. Sex over the holidays may not be the transcendent experience it is when you’re on vacation on a deserted beach, but with a little imagination, planning, and discretion, you can keep your sex life going right through to New Year’s Eve. The best part about this is that you can start practicing now, and consider it homework for the holidays.

Developing Christmas Sex Codes

Being constantly surrounded by people usually puts a cramp in relationship communication. One way couples combat this is to come up with conversational codes, words or phrases that mean very different things. Saying “ice cube” might mean “I’m really angry, and want to scream but can’t, so don’t bug me,” or saying “honeysuckle” might mean “Meet me in the bathroom, I need some quiet loving.” One of the ways we get in trouble with our communication is when we have to talk in front of others and feel like we can’t be completely honest. Developing a code or sign can preempt a lot of miscommunication, and it can be sexy too! You can have fun developing your own codes, or you can consider borrowing from other cultures. If you don’t have anyone in your family who knows American Sign Language, you could take some time and learn a few sexual signs from ASL , or take a page from queer culture, and adopt your own version of the hanky codes (maybe instead of using actual handkerchiefs, you could have sweater or socks color codes).

You write that many people may feel threatened by the possibilities of human robot sexual interactions. This response reminds me of the very common response many people still have to sex toys and vibrators in particular. Many straight men feel that a vibrator is a “threat” to them, believing it could replace them. Many straight women will say they don’t “need” a vibrator because they have a partner. You write about how robots could provide sexual contact for people who may feel unable to have it with another human. To what extent do you think sexual interactions between humans and robots would replace sex between two people?

I think it is a natural reaction for many heterosexual men to feel threatened by vibrators, and therefore by robots, especially in contemporary sexual culture in which the need to be able to sexually please and satisfy your woman is promoted so widely in books and other media, and is often the subject of boastful conversation. Most men would feel inadequate if they believed that their woman enjoyed better orgasms courtesy of a vibrator or a robot, than those that the men themselves could provide on a regular basis. But I hope and believe that one of the great benefits of sexual robots will be their ability to teach lovemaking skills, so that men who do feel inadequate will be able to take unlimited lessons, in private, from robot lovers who possess an unrivalled level of knowledge of sexual techniques and psycho-sexual problems, combined with great skills as sensitive, patient teachers. And of course, some women will also wish to avail themselves of the sexual teaching skills of robots.

You are quite right that many straight women will deny any need for a vibrator because they already feel completely sexually satisfied by their regular sex partner(s), and for those women it might be the case that whatever additional sexual pleasures robots could offer them, they are not of sufficient interest to encourage them to try robot sex on a regular basis. But the sales figures for vibrators, and the psychology literature, both popular and academic, are sufficiently replete with data on sexually frustrated women, that one cannot doubt the enormous popularity of robot lovers when they become commercially available.

None of this is intended to suggest that sex between two people will become outmoded, because I do not believe for one moment that it will. What I am convinced of is that robot sex will become the only sexual outlet for a few sectors of the population: the misfits, the very shy, the sexually inadequate and uneducable, . . .; and that for different sectors of the population robot sex will vary between something to be indulged in occasionally, and only when one's partner is away from home on a long trip, to an activity that supplements one's regular sex life, perhaps when one's partner is not feeling well, or not feeling like sex for some other reason.

Here’s where I start to get worried. I’m afraid that rather than enhancing a social experience (such as sex), technology will allow us as humans to avoid evolving socially by using technology to mimic social interaction rather than add to it. Currently the biggest problem for people who are socially marginalized (which is what I’m assuming you meant by “misfit”) is not that they aren’t able to have sex, or make meaningful connections with others, it’s that our society functions in a way to systemically keep them isolated. As the disability activist and academic Tom Shakespeare says "the trouble is not how can we have sex, it's who can we have sex with". And while there is no doubt that people who are socially marginalized want to have casual rollicking sex, just as often they report that what they long for is the intimacy, human contact, and human connections, that come with sexual intimacy and exploration. If these robots are intended in any way to increase the opportunity and potential of human sexuality, using them in this way would be seriously counterproductive. What are your thoughts on this?

I do not see why using robots to satisfy the sexual and intimacy needs of the socially marginalized is likely to be counterproductive. If you mean that providing robots to satisfy needs that the socially marginalized would prefer to be satisfied by humans, will make it less likely that the socially marginalized will want or be able to find suitable human partners, then you might be right, but I would still argue that the benefits to the socially marginalized far outweigh the negatives. Tom Shakespeare's words ring true - the socially marginalized do experience much more difficulty than others in finding human contact, intimacy and sex.

That is a simple fact, and it is understandable. I feel that the validity of your "counterproductive" argument, if I understand it correctly, assumes that the socially marginalized can indeed find intimacy and sex when they need it, in which case they will not need to employ robots for these purposes. If that is so, then all well and good. But my point is simply that there are groups in society who do find it extremely difficult, almost impossible, to mate with partners who will love them and satisfy their emotional and sexual needs on a long-term basis. In many ways robots represent a very good way out of this problem, just as the Japanese and American governments are now looking at the possibility of using robots as carers for the elderly. I firmly believe that in time robots will not only become carers, sensitive to the emotional and practical needs of the elderly, but that they will also become our friends if we want them to, and our companions, lovers and marriage partners. I would not describe any of this as counterproductive.

I have to say that for me possibly the least interesting part of the potential for human robot sexuality is the piece about sexual technique. There are thousands of books, videos, and workshops for people to learn “better” technique, and while you point out a variety of ways that robots will allow a more immersive experience, ultimately I’m aware that technique is just one (arguably small) part of sexual expression. Have you considered the ways that robots may extend human experience of sexuality beyond offering technical assistance and/or providing sexual services?

I do not feel that we should downplay the importance of robots as a means of teaching and enhancing sexual technique. So many relationships founder because of dissatisfaction in the bedroom, and so many men suffer, as do their partners, because they are unable for whatever reason (including embarrassment) to work to improve their lovemaking skills. That is why I highlighted this particular aspect of robot sex.

But to answer the main part of your question, yes – I most definitely believe that sexbots will be able to extend the human experience of sexuality. Let me try to explain one way that this might be achieved, using methods from other areas of Artificial Intelligence.

In Chapter 6, which explains in simple terms how computers think, the topics I cover include discovery and invention, as achieved by computer programs. Without going into any of the detail here, suffice it to say that it has already been demonstrated that programs can discover new ideas from existing knowledge and can even devise inventions that are suitable for patenting. If such a program were to be developed, incorporating all the knowledge contained in all of the world's sex manuals, and with some basic knowledge of human anatomy, the result could be a plethora of new ideas for lovemaking, new sexual positions, that robots could teach us and help us practice if we wish.

Another way in which human ideas of sexuality could be extended lies in the possibility of experimenting with various group combinations, groups involving one or more sexbots and perhaps more than one human. Predicting trends in human sexual behavior is not an easy task, but it is clear that when sexbots are widely available there will be many more sexual practices to be tried.

Your argument for the development of a more sophisticated ethical discussion around human robot sexual interaction is based on the idea that robot development in this area is inevitable, and we might as well get ready for it, and start thinking now about the issues that will come up. Can you give some examples of the ethical dilemmas you see facing us as human robot sexual interactions become a reality?

The ethics of robot sex is a very broad subject, too broad to discuss in detail in an interview, but I can certainly give some examples of the types of ethical problem that I foresee.

Firstly there is the question of how one's use of one's own sex robot will affect other people - one's spouse or partner in particular. Will sex with a robot be considered unfaithful? Will it be unethical in some way to say to one's regular human sex partner: “Not tonight darling. I'm going to make it with the robot."? (Some couples will, of course, own two robots, a malebot and a fembot, and will enjoy orgiastic sessions in which three or all four of them take part.) Will robot swapping be viewed as being similar to wife swapping?

Then there are issues relating to the use of other people's sexbots. What will be the ethics of lending your sexbot to a friend, or borrowing theirs? What about using a friend's sexbot without telling the friend?

There will certainly be ethical (and legal) issues relating to the use of sexbots by minors. Should the age of consent for sex with a robot be the same as that for sex with a human? And what about the ethics of an adult encouraging a minor to have sex with a robot? Will it be regarded as a sex educational experience, or as a corrupting influence? And how will ethicists and lawyers deal with parents when one of them wants their child to have sex with a robot, as a method of sex education for example, but the other does not?

Finally, there is the matter of the ethics of robot sex as they affect the robot itself. In "Robots Unlimited" I discuss some questions of robot ethics, which in my opinion is one of the most interesting topics in the debate on the future of robots. What happens when a robot's owner feels randy but the robot's programming causes it to shy away, possibly because it is running its self-test software or downloading some new knowledge and does not wish to be interrupted, or possibly because its personality was designed in such a way that it sometimes says "no" for whatever reason. Under such circumstances, is it akin to rape if the robot's owner countermands the robot's indicated wish to refrain from sex on a particular occasion?

I think you will agree that these examples warn of a minefield for ethicists and lawyers. "Roboethics" is becoming a respectable academic topic, for example earlier this year I attended a workshop on roboethics organised by the Scuola di Robotica in Genoa, Italy, and a couple of weeks later there was a similar conference in Palermo, Sicily. So the subject is very much under discussion, although the discussion is still in its very earliest stages.

There seems to be so many ways that AI and robotics can potentially have a positive impact on human existence and experience. Where do you think sexuality fits in the larger picture. Do you imagine that as the technology improves, sexuality will be one of the early testing grounds for human robotic interactions? Do you think sex robots will ultimately be a fad?

I believe that sexuality fits in the larger picture in BIG BOLD LETTERS. What is the word most often typed into Google and the other search engines? Sex! What was the most prolific use made of video cassette recorders when they came on the market? Porno movies. What was one of the first major social changes that came about with the launch of the automobile? Young couples who wanted privacy so that they could make love would borrow father's car for the purpose (and many still do so today). These are examples of inventions that were not created with sexuality in mind, but for which sexuality became an important use.

When we create robots that are specifically invented with sexuality in mind, the level of interest and the desire to use them will, I believe, be beyond the wildest dreams of product designers and manufacturers.

I think that sexuality will be far more than an early testing ground for robots. It will not only be the most popular use of robots amongst adults, it will also create huge social change. There is no way I can see sexbots as being a fad, any more than one could say that sex is a fad.

Can you talk about what’s next, and what you’re working on now?

As I was collecting the research material and writing the book I became increasingly fascinated by the subject of intimate relationships with artificial partners. Originally I was planning only one chapter on this subject, for reasons of space, but I had to extend it into two chapters, one on robot emotion and love, the other on robot sex and reproduction.

Then my wife pointed out that, in exploring these topics, I had almost ignored the ethical implications, and questions such as consciousness, and that these are important areas that needed to be addressed. So I researched some more and added two more chapters. After I delivered the book to the publisher I decided to write another book.

Whereas "Robots Unlimited" focuses on the how of Artificial Intelligence, including the how of robot love and sex, I decided that there was a need for a book on the why of all this. Why will people be attracted to robots? Why will people fall in love with robots? Why will people want to have sex with robots? And even why will people want to marry robots? I am now nearing completion of that book and have recently signed with a New York literary agent, who is currently working with me to ensure that it will be interesting for a very wide readership. I plan to keep a close watch on robot sex, to make it my major area of interest within A.I. for the next few years. I believe that the speed of development in this field will be extremely rapid, due in part to the enormous sums of money that the developers of such products will be able to reap, and partly because of the enormous worldwide interest in and desire for better sex.

Despite a lack of empirical evidence and scientific agreement on whether sex addiction is real, a vocal and lucrative sex addiction industry has developed in the last 15 or so years. There are websites, books, support groups, educational videos, touring speakers and countless religious organizations all claiming an epidemic of sex addiction is on the rise -- and that anyone with a computer and an interest in sex is in danger.

To make matters more confusing, the mainstream media has been easily wooed by the simple and provocative message of those who believe in something called sex addiction. As a result, reporters by and large print their claims as fact, without doing a lot of checking.

Yet there are many professionals, both sex therapists and sex researchers, who argue that sex addiction as it is presented in the media and to the public through self-help books and talk show appearances doesn’t really exist. They do believe that there are people who have problems with out-of-control sexual behavior, but believe that the sex addiction model makes matters worse for those people by not recognizing the complicated nature of the problem. Here are some of the main arguments made against the idea of sex addiction.

Sex Addiction Takes Sexuality Out of Context
In the sex addiction model, the individual is powerless against their addiction. All that exists is their internal needs and their external actions. The sex addiction model ignores important social and relational factors in the meaning of sex for an individual. Instead of understanding that sexuality and sexual behavior are tied to many of our core values and beliefs, the sex addiction model isolates sexuality from the rest of our lives and in so doing will likely result in incomplete or ineffectual treatment.

Lack of Empirical Evidence and Testable Definitions
Most of what is written about sex addiction comes from therapists working one-on-one with clients, and not from the clients themselves. The movement has failed to produce enough well-designed empirical evidence, and their use of moralistic and vague terminology results in statements that are difficult to test by others hoping to better understand whether the addiction model is applicable.

Sex Addiction Pathologizes Healthy Sexuality
Sex addiction proponents suggest that some sexual behaviors (like viewing pornography or paying for sex) are inherently dangerous. Similarly, most sex addiction material refers to masturbation more than once a day as a sign of problem and to other sexual activities (e.g. sex outdoors, BDSM, sex outside a relationship) as signs of addiction. There is no research to suggest that masturbating more than once a day is unhealthy, and some current research on BDSM suggests that it may actually be associated with greater sexual health and satisfaction.

Misleading or Misunderstanding the Science of the Brain
Consider this sentence taken from an article published in an addictions journal:

Addiction in women is a growing problem in the United States and is recognized as a very serious disease. Today researchers are able to document the neurochemistry of addiction in the brain. It has been found that sexual activity can create a “high” equal to that of crack cocaine.

Sounds pretty scary. The problem is that it is an inaccurate description of the actual research and it takes that mistake and further confuses it with a leap in logic. It’s true that some studies show that brain activity (although not neurochemistry as suggested in the quote) is present in similar areas during cocaine craving and orgasm. But this in no way means that the experiences are equal. Here’s another quote that is typical of what is written by both addiction proponents and media reports:

"The amygdala is the center for sexual arousal and desire and is also the part of the brain that processes drugs such as crack cocaine."

What are some problems with this claim? First, there isn’t agreement on what region of the brain is most important for sexual arousal. Second, the fact that two completely different experiences (sexual response and drug use) are both processed in the same region doesn’t mean that there are any similarities between these two experiences. What this author fails to mention is that the amygdala is also responsible for processing fear. Should we infer then that there is an inherent relationship between fear and sex and drug use?

Addiction Is a Bad Analogy
There remains a debate about whether or not it’s reasonable to call out-of-control sexual behavior an addiction. Sex -- even if it is engaged in excessively -- isn’t in and of itself harmful (and who gets to determine what excessive is?). Some argue that the comparison of a biological drug dependency to something as multi-faceted as sexual experience doesn’t make sense and results in missing the point when people are having real problems controlling their sexual activity.

Sex Addiction Is a Moral Term not a Scientific One
Sex therapist and author Marty Klein is one of the most vocal critics of sex addiction and refers to it as “a set of moral beliefs disguised as science.” Klein points to the three fundamental concepts of sex addiction:

• Sex is most healthy in committed, monogamous, heterosexual relationships
• There are "obvious" limits to healthy sexual expression (for example, masturbation more than once a day)
• Choosing to use sex to feel better about yourself or to escape from problems is unhealthy.

Klein points out that these concepts are inaccurate and not supported by sexual science. They are, however, strong moral positions and ones shared by many on the religious right who often use the concept of sex addiction as a political tool.

Sex Addiction Is Culturally Bound
This critique is more about the advocates of sex addiction than the term itself. In descriptions of sex addiction, the problem is described as being biological and never is the cultural context referred to. The premise of sex addiction is that too much sex is bad for you and certain kinds of sex are bad for you. These beliefs are deeply tied to religion and culture, and yet that qualification is absent in the most prominent writing about sex addiction.

Sex Addiction is Too Blunt a Measure
The sex addiction literature describes a wide array of behaviors and patterns (everything from masturbation to child molestation) as being a sign of sex addiction. A significant problem with this approach is that it misses the complicated and sometimes subtle overlap in expressions of mental health issues. Behaviors or thoughts that could be called sex addiction may actually be a manifestation of depression, OCD, or another mental health issue that’s gone undiagnosed and untreated. Some clinicians argue that the sex addiction model is simply too blunt a tool to be useful.

Sex Addiction Leads to Improper Treatment
This is perhaps the greatest problem with the concept of sex addiction. In trying to fit what are likely a myriad of sexual problems people have into one simple model, and by proposing a cookie cutter approach to treatment, the sex addiction model may be making the situation worse for people who are already dealing with a very serious problem. People who experience feeling out-of-control about sexual behavior may not be helped by forcing themselves to not think about or engage in sex. In fact, stifling your sex drive may cause more harm than good.

Having worked in sex shops for many years I’ve seen my fair share of gimmicky products targeting the anti-pubic hair crowd. I seem to recall Jenna Jameson had a branded pubic hair shaver a while back. And companies that make sticky sweet flavored creams and oils also churn out special shaving creams and foams. Frankly I never trust them.

So I was thrilled to notice that Naomi Torres About.com’s intrepid Guide to Hair Removal is offering up this wonderfully thorough, and thoroughly honest review of the Hair Care Down There Ultimate Shaving Kit.

I remember a few years ago when I was working for the Sue Johanson show we got samples of a product called Betty: Color for the Hair Down There. I can’t remember who tried it or whether they liked it but I do remember the prediction from the company that pubic hair care was a growth industry.

We you hear the term safer sex what comes to mind? Is it sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), condoms, and uncomfortable conversations with potential sex partners? In fact, using sex toys is a pretty low risk sexual behavior, but your risk of getting an STD while using sex toys can go up or down depending on how you use them, and if you follow some simple safer sex tips when using sex toys. One of the great things about sex toys is that you never have to ask if they mind using a condom. They pretty much do what they’re told (that is until robotic sex toys take over the world).

Of course, safer sex isn’t just about protecting yourself from STDs, and you can think about safer sex with sex toys in at least three ways.

Sex Toys and STDs

The risk is considered to be low, but the fact is that anything that goes into a person's rectum and/or vagina could transmit HIV or other STDs, and this includes sex toys. Several research studies have found a relationship between using sex toys and acquiring STDs, but few have looked specifically about how to use sex toys safely. Those that have are primarily studies of women who have sex with women. STDs, including HIV, can be transmitted via sex toys (although all of these studies included very few people). Researchers presume this transmission may happen via mucous or via blood which might be present on a sex toy. There are a few simple ways to prevent transmission of STDs when using sex toys:

• Don’t share your sex toys.
• If you share a sex toy, use a fresh condom on it each time for each partner.
• If you have a silicone sex toy, boil it in water between uses (you still can’t share the toy without boiling it between sharing).

If you currently have an STD you should use condoms on your toy even if you don’t share it, as it’s possible that you could re-infect yourself.

Sex Toys and Other Safer Sex Concerns

There are a few other common ways that using sex toys can lead to unintended sometimes painful consequences. Thankfully there are easy preventions for all these problems:

• Always use a fresh condom when moving a sex toy from the anus to the vagina, as bacteria that are welcome in the anus can cause serious problems in the vagina.
• Use latex or non-latex gloves for anal sex play to reduce the risk of carrying bacteria from the anus into a bottle of lubricant, your mouth, your eyes, or, again, your partner’s vagina.
• If you are prone to yeast infections, it’s suggested that you avoid lubricants with glycerin and you should probably avoid warming and flavored lubes.
• Some people can get rashes or allergic reactions to sex toys. Know about your sex toy material to reduce your risk.
• Finally, environmental organizations have raised concerns about exposure to phthalates in sex toys. There isn’t any direct evidence linking phthalates in sex toys to health problems, but what’s important is that you educate yourself so you are informed about the potential risks.

Sex Toys and Emotionally Safer Sex

An often overlooked aspect to safer sex is the idea of sex being emotionally safe. By this I mean that you should never have sex unless you’re willing. If your partner is interested in using sex toys and you don’t feel comfortable or safe, let them know. There may be ways for you to get comfortable with the idea of using sex toys (the best one is to try it out on your own first) but the bottom line is that you shouldn’t use sex toys because your partner insists or because you think they are required for a stellar sex life. Sex toys can be great, but they are by no means necessary for everyone.

Having fun (and safe) sex when you have latex allergies can be tough at times. Many of the products we use both to make sex different (like sex toys ) and to make sex safer (condoms, gloves, dams) tend to be made of latex.

The good news is that there are latex free options for most sex related products that traditionally contain latex. The bad news is that these alternatives tend to be much more expensive than their latex originals.

When it comes to sexual behavior, there are four types of products that are typically available in latex, which need to be avoided if you have a latex allergy:

• Condoms
• Dental Dams
• Gloves
• Sex Toys

Non Latex Condoms

Condoms are probably the most common concern for people who have latex allergies when it comes to sex. If you’ve done your research and know that it is the latex condom you are reacting to, you can explore the variety of non latex condom options available in the U.S. There are both traditional male condoms and female condoms that are available in non latex materials. Name brands include Avanti , Reality Female Condom , and Trojan Supra. I tend not to recommend the Trojan Supra as it is only available with a spermicidal lubricant, which many people may react to.

Non Latex Dental Dams

Dental dams are thin sheets (usually made of latex) that were originally designed for use by dentists during more involved procedures. Over the years they have been recommended as a barrier to prevent fluid transmission during oral genital contact (oral/vaginal or oral/anal). Currently there is one brand, called “Hot Dams” that are made of polyurethane, the same material used for the Female Condom and Avanti non latex condom. These dams are available in flavored and unflavored, and are manufactured by the Female Health Company.

Non Latex Gloves

Gloves are a great barrier for any kind of penetration play involving fingers and hands. They can also be a fun part of role play! The most commonly available gloves, the kind you find at drug stores tend to be latex. Because of concerns about increased exposure to latex, hospitals and health care settings are using latex gloves less frequently. There are several options for non latex gloves. The most easily available options are vinyl and nitrile. Nitrile gloves may be a preferred choice both because they tend to be more resistant to punctures, and also because it offers more sensitivity and freedom of movement. But both are latex free options. Be sure that the gloves you are using are “medical grade” and not “utility grade”. Only the medical grade gloves are tested for FDA specifications.

Non Latex Sex Toys

Many popular and fun sex toys can contain latex. Soft rubber dildos, vibrators, brightly colored floggers, harnesses, restraints, almost anything that is soft and stretchy (and not made of animal skin) may contain some latex. Even products that don’t specify they are made of latex may contain some latex.

In the factories where mass manufactured sex toys are made, they routinely use the same molds for different styles of product. A mold may have latex in it one week, and a different material the next week. But because they don’t sterilize their molds there could be latex in a product that is called something else (e.g. jelly rubber). Also, if a toy is made in a factory where they are also using latex, it is possible for latex in the air to find its way into your sex toy that isn’t supposed to have latex in it.

If you know you have a latex allergy, the safest choice is to either purchase a hard plastic sex toy or silicone rubber sex toy.

David Levy has worked in the field of Artificial Intelligence since graduating from St. Andrews University, Scotland, in 1967. He led the team that won the 1997 Loebner Prize in Artificial Intelligence in New York. In 1968 Levy (who is an International Master and expert in computer chess) challenged four Artificial Intelligence luminaries to develop a computer program that could beat him at chess within ten years (he won the bet in 1978, but was eventually defeated in 1989). He is also the president of the International Computer Games Association .

In the final chapters of Levy’s most recent book, Robots Unlimited: Life in a Virtual Age, he turns his attention to love, sex, and reproduction among and between humans and robots, as well as the ethical issues raised in having sex with robots.

I asked David Levy about his work in the area of AI and sexuality, and his vision of the not too distant future of human robot sexual interactions. A complete reference guide for Levy’s most recent book as well as many of the references he cites in this interview, can be found on the publishers website, AK Peters.

When most people hear the term "sex with robots" they probably imagine something from their experience of popular media, whether it’s a Star Wars robot, Bender from Futurama, or the maid from the Jetsons. Can you explain what in your writing you mean when you talk about sex with robots?

I am thinking in terms of androids - robots designed in a humanlike form - of which many examples can be found on the Web site www.androidworld.com. But in addition to having arms, legs and a head, sexual robots will also have human-sized genitalia. This idea is not at all as far fetched as might first appear.

As long ago as the late 19th century there were manufacturers, in Paris and elsewhere, who made artificial vaginas and even whole artificial bodies, designed specifically to provide substitutes for the female genitals and thereby to allow fornication. These products were known as "dames de voyage" (ladies of travel) and were particularly recommended for use by sailors during long periods at sea. The sex robots that I envisage will, of course, employ 21st rather than 19th century technology, but the basic idea is the same.

In your most recent book you outline some of the research endeavors and technological developments already underway that you predict might produce some of the first opportunities for humans to have sex with robots. Can you describe some of these?

There are many sex-related inventions that have been patented over the past century or so. In fact there is a whole book devoted to the subject of sex inventions at the U.S. Patent Office.

In "Robots Unlimited" I describe a recent patent application by an Australian inventor, Dominic Choy. This is just one taste of things to come. What I see happening is that the merging of many different technologies will lead to the creation of robots that provide many of the physical attributes required of a skilled lover.

Scientists have already developed artificial skin sufficiently sensitive to distinguish between a gentle caress and firm pressure; and the complementary capability - an artificial finger that can apply sensuous strokes. There is also research into silicone-based and similar types of materials used in the RealDoll and rival products, materials that provide for the user a measure of simulation of coupling with a human sex partner. Then add one or more of the specifically sexual electronic technologies that are already available, such as those employed for the benefit of women in the Thrillhammer, the Sybian, or the hugely popular vibrators that pleasure so many millions of customers; or the male equivalents - vibrating penis rings. The combination of these technologies and others will enable robots to deliver sexually awesome experiences.

One of the things I found most surprising in reading your book was the amount of research that is already underway in this area. In particular I was excited by the thinking and experimentation around robot reproduction. Can you explain what is meant by this term, and maybe describe a few examples of research being done in this area.

Robot scientists have already made the first major breakthrough in this field, with the development by Hod Lipson and Jordon Pollack at Brandeis University of robots that simulate evolution and can design new robots based on a trial-and-error process. This project has already reached the stage where one robot can pick up the components of another robot and assemble it.

We are, of course, very familiar with the idea of robots on the assembly line, picking up the pieces of an automobile or whatever and assembling them into one identical vehicle after another. Yet the idea of a robot assembling replicas of itself is somehow intuitively different for many people, probably because it is a little scary. The science fiction literature is riddled with examples of robots that reproduce, sometimes until there are so many of them that they are able to take over the world. Now that the first stage of this process has become science fact, it would not be surprising if many people were to view this branch of robotics research with a certain amount of apprehension.

What I have described so far relates only to the physical construction of robots. But what about their "brains", their emotions, their personalities? A robot's brain is some form of computer, running software that has been developed to give the robot its mental capabilities, including its emotions and personality. Over and above the research into the physical self-reproduction of robots there is also a research effort into self-reproducing software, programs that can evolve into (hopefully) better programs - better in the sense of being better able to perform its designated task(s). This idea is based on genetics. The basic method is called a "genetic algorithm" and, put simply, it works by having parts of a computer program measuring how well or how badly they are performing and then improving themselves through a process that simulates natural selection, spawning a new, better generation of programs. It does not take much imagination to realize that robots which can self-reproduce physically, and also self-improve their own software, could evolve almost beyond the dreams of science fiction writers.

One aspect of robot reproduction that I personally find very exciting is the possibility that intelligent robots will be able to copy some of the characteristics and physical features of their human owners. Imagine, for example, that your robot has been programmed to "like" the sound of your voice. When it designs its successors it can copy the characteristics of your voice into the speech synthesis software employed in those successors, resulting in robots that talk like you do. As yet I am not aware of any research in this area, but the recognition and speech synthesis technologies are already with us, and I do not believe it will be very long before the idea is explored by roboticists.

Several times in your writing you slip anthropomorphizing language in, so suddenly a computer program has intuition, or feelings, where before it simply had a series of predictable responses to very intelligent programming. I think for many people this will be one of the greatest fears, and barriers to conceptualizing a human + robot sexuality. When you write about the ethics of robot sex it calls to mind the question of consciousness and sentience. Do you foresee robotic consciousness? Or put another way, will we eventually produce robots that are just like us?

The sometimes use of anthropomorphisms was quite deliberate. I hope that in this way the reader will be led somewhat gently to the feeling that the robots of the future will, at least in some sense, be alive.

I do forsee robot consciousness, and this is the subject of Chapter 12. One problem, of course, with the consciousness debate, is the lack of a generally acceptable definition of the term. But in the sense that the word is normally used, yes, I am convinced that robots will act as though they possess consciousness. And if they do so act, then we will not be able to deny that they have consciousness.

As to whether we will eventually produce robots that are just like us, the answer here is "not exactly like us, but close". Shakespeare's sixteenth century test: "If you prick me, do I not bleed?" will detect one of the differences, and there will be others, but in terms of the outward appearance and behavior of robots, I am convinced that they will be designed to be all but indistinguishable to the vast majority of the human population.

A study published in the August 2007 issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior offers what the authors purport to be the most comprehensive list of reasons people have sex that has ever been compiled.

While the list (which is really just a list of why young white college students have sex) is interesting and entertaining, I'm not sure it lives up to the researchers' claims or the sweeping generalizations made by uncritical media outlets who had a field day with headlines and gender stereotypes.

The study: In the first stage of the study, researchers asked 444 university students to list all the reasons they could think of to have sexual intercourse. Researchers compiled the results and whittled them down to a list of 237 reasons to have sex. They then asked about 1500 undergraduate students to consider each reason and indicate whether the reason describes the motivation behind none, a few, some, many, or all of their sexual experiences.

The findings: In the results, the researchers present the 237 reasons as ranked by men and women. After analyzing the responses, they proposed four larger categories that encompass all the reasons people have sex: physical reasons, goal attainment, emotional reasons, and insecurity.

The researchers point out that, of the top 25 reasons for having sex, 20 were the same for both men and women (although ranked in different order). Only six of the top 50 were ranked identically by men and women:

• Reason #1: I was attracted to the person
• Reason #6: I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
• Reason #7: I was "horny"
• Reason #15: It's exciting, adventurous
• Reason #19: The person really desired me
• Reason #32: I wanted to try new techniques or positions

The list is also notable for the variety of reasons given -- from the physical ("It feels good") or spiritual ("I wanted to feel closer to God") to the pragmatic ("someone offered me money") or spiteful ("I wanted to get even with someone"). Findings ranged from predictable to revealing:

• Men endorsed reasons that have to do with physical appearance and desirability (e.g. "The person had a desirable body") more than women.
• Men, more than women, endorsed reasons that had to do with wanting more sexual experiences or what they call "mere opportunity" to have sex (e.g. "The person was available"; "I wanted to increase the number of partners I had experienced.")
• Women endorsed reasons with emotional motivation for sex (e.g. "I wanted to express my love for the person") more than men.
• Men reported having sex to please a partner more than women.
• Men said they've had sex to gain social status or for practical reasons more than women.
• Men said they had sex to have an orgasm more than women.

Problems with the study: There are a variety of problems with this study and with the way it has been reported in the press. While these problems don't take away from the research, I think they indicate how complicated sex research can be and how careful researchers, journalists, and the rest of us need to be when comparing research to our own sexual experiences.

Some of the things to consider in this current study:

Who are "we"? The fact that the study participants were mostly white, young university students is a major limitation. One has to wonder why the investigators did not at least attempt to draw a more diverse sample, especially since they are claiming the resulting list is comprehensive. It's a shame that this point was buried in most of the mass media reporting and arguably downplayed in the paper itself.

The difference between asking and answering a question One of the drawbacks of this kind of research is its inability to address the differences in interpretation between the question asked and how it is answered. Consider the finding that more men said they had sex to have an orgasm than women. Given that men and women were remarkably similar in their top responses, and many responses included statements about experiencing physical pleasure, why would men be more likely than women to be motivated to have sex to have an orgasm? One reason could be that men are more likely to experience orgasms during heterosexual sexual intercourse, and as such, they expect it as a result. Since many women don't orgasm through intercourse, it is likely that it wouldn't be high on their list of reasons to have intercourse (we'll have to wait for the "reasons to have oral sex" study). In this case, the result about orgasm may tell us much more about the sexual experiences of participants than their sexual motivations. The results are framed as the researchers intended them to be understood -- not as the participants may have meant them.

Unanswered gender questions The researchers relied on gender as one of the fundamental constructs to explain their data. Unfortunately, they failed to adequately address the problems with this approach. They point to gender roles to explain the fact that men ranked most of the items with higher frequency than women, but don't address this same sort of bias in interpreting the lower-ranked results (which could very well be ranked lower because of response bias). And while an evolutionary psychologist would have no time for this comment, the authors fail to present a reasonable argument for gender being the primary variable of interest.

In the end, the study is an interesting one. It sheds some light on a topic that, as the authors point out, has received little scientific attention. We can only hope that, in the future, these questions will be taken up by researchers more willing to embrace a complicated population and explore conceptualizations of sexuality outside of their theoretical comfort zones.

Sex is exciting, but it’s nothing new. It’s possible that for as long as we’ve had sex, we’ve had people who wrote about sex and thought about what it means and what might make it more meaningful. Tantric sex and teaching about Tantric sexuality represent one of the oldest examples of a philosophy of spiritual sexuality that continues to be practiced today.

What is Tantra?

One translation of the word Tantra is "tools for expansion." Tantra is over 1500 years old, and like yoga it originated in India. It is a set of teachings and practices that are specifically designed to help us feel more, to increase our awareness of our own energy and the energy around us. The path that Tantra uses to these ends is the exploration of sexual energy.

The goal of Tantric sex is to allow us to experience more depth and breadth in our sexuality. The goal is not necessarily orgasm, but rather enriching the whole sexual experience.

Is Tantra a Religion?

While traditional Tantric teachings refer to concepts such as “universal energy” or “higher power” the teachings are, in many cases, not about stubbornly sticking to one set of beliefs or rules. If you are interested in the idea of sexual expression bringing you closer to a higher power, you will find much in Tantra that speaks to you. If you are looking for a way to enhance or deepen your sexual connection with your partner, Tantra can offer many wonderful opportunities without requiring that you follow any specific set of beliefs.

Who is Tantric Sex Good For?

Many of the teachings are about desire and the experience of sexual energy. Unlike western approaches to improving your sex life, Tantra teachings do not focus on external evaluations of what our body looks like, what kind of car we drive, how we wear our hair. In this way Tantric sex teaching are open to anyone who is interested in exploring a new path to sexual fulfillment.

Incorporating ideas of Tantra into your sex life can be something anyone does, regardless of age, sexual orientation, and what your body looks, like, how it feels, how it moves, etc…

What are Chakras?

Tantra distinguishes many different energy systems within us. One of these that you might have already read about is chakras; energy centers in the body between the pelvis and the top of the head. In this system of thought, there is the idea that the smooth flow of energy in our bodies can get stuck somewhere in the system blocked from moving freely or depleted for a variety of reasons. Tantric practice works toward keeping energy flowing through us smoothly and naturally.

What is Tantric Sex Like?

Tantra is different from western ideas about sex in some other important ways. The western concept of sex is like a story with a clear beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), and end (orgasm). This is the way it’s supposed to be and if you don’t follow the story, something is wrong. Sex without penetration is often viewed as being "not real” or “merely” foreplay.

In Tantric sex the point of sex is not orgasm, the point is to feel. There is no clear cut beginning middle or end. Most of the exercises related to Tantric sex involve slowing things down, trying not to focus on our external body, or orgasm, or anything outside of our experience of the moment.

Without a focus on orgasm, the goal becomes increased awareness leading to greater understanding of ourselves, which eventually leads to enlightenment. There is no pressure to "get over the top". This doesn't mean that orgasm doesn't exist in Tantra, it just isn't the be all and end all. The spiritual practice and the good sexual feelings are inter-related, each leading back to, and improving the other.

What Tantric sex “looks like” will be different for different people. Tantra is taught by many teachers around the world, who have their own take on it, influenced by the cultures they grew up in. Certainly a key feature of Tantric sex is the importance of breathing, and slowing down sexual behavior compared to the hectic, orgasm-focused North American approach.

Choosing a sex therapist can be difficult. Many studies on what makes therapy effective suggest that the most important element is the relationship between a therapist and a client. Certainly it is important that you feel like you and your sex therapist are working together, that you are basically on the same page in terms of what your concerns are, and how you are going to go about resolving them.

Here are some things to consider when choosing a sex therapist:

Who would you feel most comfortable talking about sexual concerns with?

Talking about sexual difficulties can be tough, so think about whom you would be comfortable working with. You might prefer a therapist of the same gender, or a therapist of a different gender than you. Things like religious background, ethnicity, sexual orientation, even age, might matter to you. Try not to prejudge too much, as you might find that a therapist with a completely different background as you is in fact a wonderful fit. There are no right or wrong ways to figure this out, but it is worthwhile to think about it for yourself before you start looking.

What are the issues you are bringing to sex therapy?

Some therapists will have specific areas of expertise. Here are some examples of specific issues that you might want to ask a potential therapist about:

• sexual dysfunctions
• working with people who have experience sexual abuse
• working with individuals or couples who identify as kinky, polyamorous, queer, etc…

Even if you don’t have a clear idea of what you want to get out of sex therapy when you are looking for a therapist, it can be useful to ask a potential therapist about their experience with specific issues or groups of people, just to hear how they answer the question.

Financial considerations of sex therapy

This is an issue for most of us, and if you do have any type of insurance, you might be able to find a sex therapist with the appropriate degrees that will allow the therapy to be covered (e.g. a sex therapist who is a medical doctor may be able to provided services covered by insurance). It is perfectly acceptable to ask a potential therapist about their rates, whether or not they have a sliding scale (meaning their rates are based in part on your ability to pay) , and how many sessions they usually have with a client.

Here's How:

1. Understand the limitations of intercourse.
   For most of us orgasms come as a result of strong, consistent stimulation of body parts that feel good when touched. Some popular body parts are the penis, vulva, clitoris, perineum, anus and nipples. There are others, but let’s call those the Big 6. Traditional intercourse involves you and your partner rolling around and the primary movement is someone’s hips and genitals thrusting. The fact is that this rarely produces enough stimulation for both partners to have an orgasm, and sometimes no one has one.
2. Changing definitions.
   There’s an exception to the bad intercourse orgasm connection, and that’s the penis. If you’re having intercourse with a man, intercourse is often more than enough for him to have an orgasm. But while the penis gets a lot of stimulation and it’s owner feels pleasure, no matter how big or small it is, and no matter how vigorously it moves in and out of your body, it probably won’t be enough to give you an orgasm. If you want orgasms through intercourse you need to add something else to the mix; or thought of another way, you need to redefine intercourse.
3. Step one: have orgasms.
   If you can’t have them on your own or through other kinds of sex play it’s unlikely you’ll have them through intercourse. If you’re expecting to have an orgasm through the sheer magic of intercourse you will probably be disappointed. You need to start by knowing what gives you orgasms. Specifically what kind of stimulation (rubbing/pressure, hard/soft, fast/slow, or some combo) and where (not just “down there” be specific and find out what areas of your body produce the greatest amount of pleasure when stimulated). The easiest way to discover this is masturbation.
4. Either do it yourself...
   If you know how to give yourself an orgasm it becomes much easier to incorporate that stimulation into intercourse. You can, of course, do this without talking to your partner if you don’t want to. This might mean using fantasy (which, by the way, isn’t cheating) or using your own hands to stimulate yourself during intercourse. It might mean finding a position where you’re getting stimulated the way you need to. What’s better and easier is to talk to your partner about it.
5. Or talk to your partner.
   If you can agree that you want orgasms through intercourse and acknowledge that traditional intercourse tends to be more one way, you can start doing intercourse differently. If you’re a woman who needs more clitoral stimulation to orgasm, maybe your partner can provide some of that extra stimulation. If you’re a man and find that intercourse desensitizes you, maybe your partner can add more subtle or more intense stimulation. If you can think of intercourse not as one of you doing something to the other, but as a team effort the rewards may be more evenly handed out.
6. Let your fingers (or hands, wrists, elbows, etc…)do the talking.
   Experiencing orgasms through intercourse isn’t rocket science. For most people it just means adding more manual stimulation. As long as you can reach and you’ve got the dexterity, using your hands to add stimulation is often more than enough. If you’re not sure what exactly to do with your hands you can read up on how to give a woman a handjob and how to give a man a handjob.
7. Experiment with sex positions.
   Even the best sex position won’t guarantee orgasms through penetration without other stimulation, but for some people in some cases it can make the difference. If your having intercourse in a sex position that’s uncomfortable or painful it will reduce your chances of having an orgasm. A good sex position will let you feel direct stimulation wherever you like it most. For example, if you like a lot of clitoral stimulation through pressure, a position where your body is pressed tightly against your partner and includes a lot of grinding might be best.
8. Sex toys for added stimulation.
   Vibrators are a great way of adding stimulation to intercourse and boosting the chances of an orgasm through intercourse. Some vibrators are worn around the waist and provide clitoral stimulation during penetration. There are others that are worn on the hand, so you can touch any area and have instant vibration. Wand style vibrators, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, are great for couples and fit easily between two bodies. There are also vibrating rings that can be worn by a man (or at the base of a dildo).
9. Mix it up in the middle.
   Don’t think of intercourse as something that begins and can’t end until an orgasm (or exhaustion) happens. You can switch from intercourse to oral sex or from intercourse to mutual masturbation, or something else entirely. Intercourse is just one way to have sex and there are no rules about the order in which you do things. If you really want to have orgasms through intercourse you may want to get yourself right to the point of orgasm some other way and then finish off with intercourse.
10. Come first and come later.
    If you’re fixed on the idea of having an orgasm through intercourse you may begin to worry about whether or not it will happen while you’re having sex. This is a huge turn off and in most cases reduces your chances of having an orgasm. One way to deal with this is to try to have an orgasm first before you move to intercourse. If you’re someone who generally only has one orgasm this may not work for you, but lots of people can have more than one and as long as you’ve got the time for going for two, you may find that having a quick orgasm to start with takes a lot of the pressure off.

Stone-carved dildos and Cleopatra's mythic wooden box of bees aside, lubricants may be the oldest and most undervalued of all sex toys. Perhaps because of its association with a variety of unpleasant medical procedures, lubricant doesn't always top the list of favorite sex toys. Yet lubricant makes almost every kind of sex play more comfortable and versatile. Finding the right lubricant, particularly now that we're being marketed to from all sides, is another story. This list offers an overview of some of the best and most innovative lubricants from the past and present.