The winners of the inaugural Sexies, the sex positive journalism award, were announced last week. Awards were given out by format with categories including "features" "opinion" and "columns" as well as an award specifically for articles in sex themed publications. Some of the names on the list of winners will be familiar to people who seek out news and opinion about sexuality, but many won't; and I think this highlights one of the most important roles the awards can play.

Take for example the work of Jenna Bromberg and Alysha Rooks who write columns for their college newspapers (The Cornell Daily Sun and The University of Michigan Law School, respectively). With dozens (maybe hundreds?) of sex columns at colleges across the country how many of us have the time or patience to wade through them to find the gems? After reading their winning entries I now plan to follow what I hope will be a long career for both of them of dealing with sexuality in whatever they end up doing next as writers (or maybe in Alysha's case as a lawyer).

It would be nice if the Sexies organization was a little less insular (including one of their sponsors on the panel of judges doesn’t help with credibility) and I definitely don't agree with all the awards (for example giving first place in the "Features" category to Daniel Engber's well intentioned but condescending and convoluted piece about sex in nursing homes) but this year looks like a great start, and anyway, what's an awards event without debate?

Along with the other great source for sex positive writing, Cleis Press’Best Sex Writing series going into its fourth year, I’d say that things are looking up both for journalists who take the time to write well informed content and for those of us readers who crave it.

Read more – Sex Positive Journalism Award Winners Announced

One of the first things I do in any town or city I visit is to check out the sex shops. I do it, because I love people who work in sex shops -- sometimes I like the owners too. Plus, I’m a complete sex toy nerd and love checking out the selections in different cities and countries. I also do it so I know where to send someone when they need a sex shop recommendation.

Recently, though, my referral list has been seriously challenged by About.com’s global reach, and I often find myself trying in vain to answer an e-mail request for a great sex shop in Des Moines or Albuquerque.

To remedy this, I’ve turned to the experts, those who for personal and professional reasons have traveled the world visiting the best and worst sex shops on the planet. I asked them to share their favorites with About.com readers along with a few of their thoughts. Most contributors prefer to remain anonymous, but if you scroll to the end of the list, you can check out the websites of some of our more famous reviewers.

Do you have a sex store you’d like to recommend for this list? To add your recommendation or comment on any of the stores listed below, send me an e-mail and share your thoughts with the world.

Babeland – New York; Brooklyn, NY; Seattle; Los Angeles
“Highly recommended” for their “stellar staff” and “beautiful boutique design” that is “comfortable for female shoppers” and [has a] selection of “high-quality products.”

Coco De Mer – London, Los Angeles
This “very posh and elegant” export from the UK offers “hand-crafted, heirloom-quality" sex toys and art and is known for creating “elegant events” and “educational salons." The LA location features “peek-a-boo” dressing rooms for couples and a “beautiful back garden."

Come As You Are – Toronto
The world’s only co-operatively owned sex shop offers a “wheelchair-accessible” location, “kind staff” and a “very thoughtful collection of products” at “great prices, if you’re Canadian!” (Disclosure Note: The Sexuality Guide is also a member of this co-operative).

Early to Bed - Chicago
A woman-owned shop open to “individuals of every gender and orientation” and featuring a “cool underground DIY sensibility." “Friendly” staff and “good workshops.” (Ed. Note: Plus an owner with a commitment to disability issues!)

Eve's Garden – New York
North America's “first woman-owned and operated” sex shop was once known for being “unwelcome to men” (current status not known on that front). Not easy to find, their “discrete location” will likely be desirable for “the most shy shopper.”

Good Vibrations – Berkeley, Calif.; San Francisco; Brookline, MA
This “role model to many sex-positive stores” continues to have “friendly” and “knowledgeable” staff and “great classes” -- special notes were made by many of the Brookline location.

Hysteria - Denver
Operated by a “husband and wife team,” Hysteria is “the only place in Denver” to offer quality selection and service that we’ve “grown to know and love” in a sex shop.

Love Piece Club - Tokyo
This sole “feminist sex shop in Japan” may be “tiny,” but it’s “culturally way ahead of the curve” in Tokyo. It’s also “the only place” to find many “high-quality U.S. brands.”

Mail & Female - Amsterdam, Netherlands
Founded in 1988, this “pretty shop,” featuring “fun and exotic toys,” was the first “political and sex-positive” woman-owned sex shop in Europe. Offering a “different sensibility” than its North American counterparts visiting from the United States, it makes for “an interesting cultural exchange."

Nomia - Portland, Maine
Despite a website that’s “a little underdone,” Nomia is the first woman-owned and operated sensuality boutique in Portland. Run by a “friendly” and “enthusiastic” proprietor, Nomia features a “respectable” selection of “better quality tools and toys."

Pleasure Chest – Los Angeles, Chicago, New York
This “historic” sex toy retailer recently “updated” their image and product line to make it “prettier and women friendly.” Locations range from “vast” to “very small” in size but all offer “great classes” and “lots of variety."

Self Serve Toys - Albuquerque, New Mexico
Opened by former workers from Grand Opening! in Boston, this “very friendly” duo are committed to sex-positive retailing, including being “the only sex store I know with a cde of ethics.”

Smitten Kitten – Minneapolis, Minn.
This “women-oriented” sex shop is “very much of a social gathering place” for like-minded sex-positive folks looking for a “great selection” and “good prices” in a “nonthreatening” environment.

Sugar - Baltimore, Md.
Opened by a former Babeland worker, Sugar “won Best Sex Shop in Baltimore” and is a “lesbian-owned, women and trans-operated” shop that describes itself as “for profit” and a “mission-driven sex space.”

The Tool Shed - Milwaukee
Milwaukee's first “lady-owned sex toy store” gets high marks for originality, because it is “the most creative sex shop I have ever seen.” “Helpful staff” offer a range of traditional sex toys and “handmade sexy items,” such as “ties with condom pockets” and “sexy soaps.”

Sex Shops Recommended Without Descriptions

A Woman’s Touch - Madison, Wisconsin

Freddy & Eddy - Los Angeles

Oh My - Northampton, Mass.

Venus Envy – Halifax, Nova Scotia and Ottawa, Ontario

Thank you to our professional reviewers who have visited and shopped in more sex stores than most of us will even hear of in our lifetime: Ducky Doolittle, Jamye Waxman and Midori.

The following information is compiled from a variety of sources, including the CDC, information from drug manufacturers, Planned Parenthood, and Family Health International.

We strive to keep this information up to date, but new studies and information about side effects and effectiveness may not be reflected immediately in this information. This should be used as a guide only, and a health care professional should be consulted when considering a new or changed contraceptive method.

Question: Are Orgasms Good for Health?

Answer:

In their recent book The Science of Orgasm, researchers Komisaruk, Beyer-Flores, and Whipple survey the most recent research on orgasm and describe a variety of studies that point to the positive effects of orgasm in an attempt to answer the question; are orgasms good for your health. While these studies are in most cases the only or the first few studies to consider the question, they point to the possibility that orgasm effects go beyond a brief euphoric feeling, and are a good argument for the relationship between sexual health and overall health. Examples of research into health and orgasm include:

• A UK study which looked at the relationship between having frequent orgasms (two or more per week) and mortality in men. At a ten year follow up the researcher found that men who had frequent orgasms had a significantly lower risk of death than men who did not have frequent orgasms.

• Several studies have hypothesized that hormones released during arousal and orgasm, specifically oxytocin and DHEA, may also have protective effects against cancer and heart disease.

• Research has also pointed to the sedative and relaxing effect of oxytocin and other endorphins released during orgasm, which may explain why people use masturbation as a way to get to sleep, and why sex is a great way to deal with stress.

• There have been two studies which have found a connection between men who ejaculate regularly and a reduced incidence of prostate cancer.

• While orgasms can for some people trigger migraine headaches, at least one study has also found that orgasms can relieve migraine headaches.

It’s also worth pointing out that orgasm and sex play in general can be a wonderful form of exercise. Frequent sex and orgasms can bring with it the benefit of other good cardio workouts.

Source:
Komisaruk, B.R., Beyer-Flores, C., & Whipple, B. The Science of Orgasm Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2006.

Photo courtesy of Come As You Are

As one of the founders of On Our Backs (dubbed the "Magazine for the Adventurous Lesbian") and Fatale Media (the first "authentic" lesbian porn company), you've survived identity politics, the "Porn Wars," and two Presidents Bush.

How has the lesbian porn business changed over the 23 years you've been in it?

"Well for one thing, there actually is a lesbian porn business now! When we started, it was like missionary work. There was no lesbian porn in the early 80s -- none. Now there are at least a handful of companies creating dyke porn. And, more importantly, dykes are recognized as a market for porn to be produced for, and there are marketing and selling resources for lesbian porn. That's huge. Basically, when we were making our first porn, we were limited to selling directly to lesbians via mail order.

Now, you have many sex-positive retail stores and a multitude of websites for lesbians to find lesbian porn. The lesbian porn market has definitely evolved in the last 20 years."

What got you into the sex business in the first place?

"It all started in the late 70s. Back then, the lesbian culture was dominated by the anti-porn, politically correct faction. I met my lover, Debi Sundahl, cofounder of On Our Backs, working on the committee which put on the Take Back the Night Rally in Minneapolis! I was teaching street-fighting self-defense courses while Debi worked at the Harriet Tubman Shelter for Battered Women. We were radicalized about women's control of their bodies and their safety.

However, once Debi and I became more than just friends, we discovered we both had always enjoyed pornography -- Penthouse, Playboy & such. We disagreed with the Violence-Against-Women movement's increasing focus on pornography as the cause of the violence. Plus, the anti-porn attitude was influencing lesbians in a very negative way around their own sexuality. For example, penetration by any means was perceived as a violent, male-identified, dominant act, and was therefore not to be done. Lesbians were having very limited, politically-correct, side-by-side sex.

It was at this juncture that we split from this anti-porn, anti-sex culture in Minneapolis and moved to San Francisco in the hopes of finding a more open attitude toward sexuality. However, even in San Francisco, only the S/M lesbians were open to and exploring their sexuality, and we joined Samois, the lesbian S/M club.

What started as a very personal sexual exploration soon became political. We'd go to the women's bookstore in search of anything about lesbian sexuality and found nothing. It was as if lesbians weren't sexual. But, we knew there were plenty of lesbians [who were] into exploring sexuality. The problem was that the anti-porn lesbians controlled the general lesbian culture, including the press.

In response, Debi and I decided to make our own porn. On Our Backs started from a very personal need and expression. We got together with our friends, took some photos, solicited erotica, and scraped together money to print the first issue in 1984. We were a bunch of sex radicals expressing ourselves and having a great time. At that point, we weren't thinking about the magazine as a business or money-making lesbian porn endeavor. It was the lesbian sex wars, and we were on the front line."

In the 80s and early 90s, lesbian sexuality was still something largely ignored by the mainstream media. These days it seems ubiquitous. What do you think of the representation of lesbian sexuality you see in the mainstream media?

"These days I think it's very trendy and somewhat racy. Plenty of straight men love to look at lesbians, and that's the intended market -- straight men. The images of lesbian sexuality embraced by mainstream media are still very narrow, basically femme on femme. I enjoy femme on femme, too, but there are many more variations of lesbian sexuality that aren't represented by mainstream media. You only see women who fit the mainstream idea of beautiful, for example. You don't see butch women or trans-women -- women who may be threatening to men. It's all very fluffy and not very real."

How do you feel about the distinction often made between "authentic" and "inauthentic" lesbian porn?

"It's a true distinction. The inauthentic "girl-girl" porn, which is very popular and produced mostly by mainstream adult companies, usually features very femme women performing sexually for the intended male viewer. This can be fine and enjoyable for many. However, I think most lesbians would prefer to watch authentic lesbian porn, featuring women they can recognize as lesbians doing things which they can recognize as real lesbian sex -- sex they might actually have and get off on. In the authentic lesbian porn, the sex is more varied, the performers are more into it, and they usually don't fake orgasms."

Do you think that only women, or only women who identify as lesbian, can or should be creating representations of lesbian sexuality?

"I think at first, it was important that lesbian porn was created by women or lesbians, so the distinct genre was recognized and accepted. Now, I think the market is open enough that anyone with a lesbian sensibility can create it. I think that's the direction we're headed, and I think it's natural growth. "

Can you talk about what that "lesbian sensibility" is? Where do you think it comes from?

"Well maybe I spoke too quickly, and perhaps the market isn't quite there yet. Soon I think! By lesbian sensibility, I meant a knowledge for and appreciation of real lesbian sex and lesbian culture. It comes from knowing lesbians and being around them a lot, being open to them, and looking at the lesbian porn that's out there. The producer/director may not actually be lesbian, but would need to be able to recognize and hire performers who can portray authentic lesbian sex. I think the performers are the most important factor -- getting the right mix of chemistry and believable lesbian sex. Lesbians are usually turned off by women faking being into the sex they're doing, or faking orgasms. So, at the very minimum, to create lesbian porn, at least the performers need to portray real lesbian sex. Everyone else involved can be het/bi/trans or whatever -- they only need to recognize what it is they're creating."

In 2008, Fatale Media will be 23 years old. What are you working on now, and what's next?

"More of the same! We've branched out this past year [2007] into distributing other company's products, the SIR titles and Early to Bed titles. We're planning a big upgrade to our website, getting streaming video and more photos on the site. And, right now, we're working with Panic Culture in Paris to bring some French lesbian porn into the US -- [we are] very excited about that!"

Has being a pornographer changed your sex life?

"I think in my case the reverse may be true -- when we first produced lesbian porn, my sex life influenced pornography! Remember, there wasn't any real lesbian porn around back in the early 1980s, none. So when we created the first lesbian porn, On Our Backs magazine and Fatale Videos, the sex we showed was the sex we did. We photographed and filmed ourselves and our friends, all different types of lesbians having all different types of lesbian sex -- real lesbian sex.

It defined and initiated real lesbian porn as it is today. And, yes, I would say being a pornographer has changed my sex life -- at the very least, I've learned a few new tricks! I came into pornography with a curious and open mind about sex to begin with, but I think my sex life has been enriched by being around so many people enjoying sex.

Some say being in pornography makes you jaded about sex, but I haven't found that to be true. I think the more you're around sex, the easier it is to get turned on and into sex."

Do you think that being a pornographer has changed the way you think about sex?

"Being a pornographer has helped me to be way more appreciative of how important sex is to people -- what a huge part of everyone's life it is, and how powerful it is. And, being a pornographer has given me a true appreciation for the generosity many performers have in sharing themselves intimately with the viewers."

Photo courtesy of Come As You Are

While these sex toys may not have actually changed the world, they did change the sex toy world, and the sexual world view of many of us who are fans of these groundbreaking products. Each of these sex toys offered genuine innovation, something new, and in doing so they made us do something new with ourselves.

Pocket Rocket

The original Pocket Rocket is a compact powerful vibrator with a long lasting Japanese motor and a surprising kick. In and of itself it was not revolutionary, but it had a revolutionizing role in sex toy marketing as it was one of the first "celebrity" endorsed vibrators. On several occasions Howard Stern mentioned this particular product sending sales through the proverbial roof and making the Pocket Rocket a brand name vibrator without the manufacturer spending a penny on advertising

What makes a sex shop truly great? What elevates an sex toy shop from your everyday supply depot to a shop you can’t wait to get into? All the regular retail essentials need to be there: good prices, quality, selection, customer service. But the stores that make it into the Hall of Fame all have something more; they have passion for their work. And their work, God bless them, is to give all of us more interesting sex lives. The list is ordered by age of company, not ranked by quality.

Coco de Mer

Originating across the pond (and now with a US presence) Coco de Mer is far and away the most lavish, indulgent erotic boutique on the list. Their presence in the Hall of Fame is due mostly to the attention to detail and decadent approach to sex toy retailing. Whether online or in person, shopping in Coco de Mer is like eating just a little too much of the finest Belgian chocolate, you’re giddy and satiated all at the same time.

We tend to associate good sex with heat. We use terms like hot, steamy, scorching, searing (lots of “s” words) when describing memorable sex. On the other hand cold showers, cold shoulders, and cold hearts generally aren’t associated with lustful pursuits.

As a rule, a good sex tip is one that turns a common assumption on its head. It’s not that common sense doesn’t always make good sense, but our sexual behaviors are so easily habituated, and we tend to find something we like and do it over and over until we’re bored of it. We also tend not to think laterally about the sex we’re having.

The lateral thinking, temperature controlled tip for this week is all about temperature.

The next time you’re having sex, by yourself or with your partner(s), find some way to bring something cold and hot to bed. That leftover bag of freezer burnt peas may not be good for eating anymore, but wrap it in a t-shirt and bring it into bed tonight. Or there’s always the cinematic standby of ice cubes. You don’t want to use the cold to shock your lover. Be sure to wait until things have hit a rhythm in the sex, and then gently touch a less sensitive part of your partner’s body with the cold. Once they know what’s coming, you can experiment heating things up with your bodies, and then cooling it down with a more sensitively placed cold touch.

To heat things up, you can explore everything from silicone toys or glass toys (both of which retain heat and warm up nicely if you soak them in hot water before using) to hot wax play . Be careful with the latter. Hot wax play can be exciting and intense, but it requires some thoughtfulness and knowledge. Get some good information (the Toybag guides are great), be sure to use candles that melt at a low temperature, and experiment on yourself first. Once you’re ready to introduce it with a partner, start on less sensitive areas, and build up (or down) from there.

As always, have fun!

Stone-carved dildos and Cleopatra's mythic wooden box of bees aside, lubricants may be the oldest and most undervalued of all sex toys. Perhaps because of its association with a variety of unpleasant medical procedures, lubricant doesn't always top the list of favorite sex toys. Yet lubricant makes almost every kind of sex play more comfortable and versatile. Finding the right lubricant, particularly now that we're being marketed to from all sides, is another story. This list offers an overview of some of the best and most innovative lubricants from the past and present.

Pink

The newest lubricant on our list, Pink silicone lubricant is notable for several innovations which have less to do with its formulation than its marketing (although the formula is great, and Pink is a wonderful light feeling silicone lubricant). The manufacturers of Pink took a major step in integrating lubricant into everyday living by offering their product in a beautiful hand blown Italian glass bottle, one that fits in on your dressing room table as well as it does in that box under the bed. Pink also has a smart spray dispense mechanism. Lubricants like Pink highlight how far we've come from tubes of KY Jelly on the pharmacy shelves.

Photo courtesy of Come As You Are

Photo courtesy of Come As You Are

Whether by design or by default, the topic of mainstream movies that contain real sex scenes tends to bring out the voyeur in all of us. Moviegoers and movie fan websites produce endless lists of what they consider the best movie sex scenes but its interesting that those scenes are rarely the same as the famous (and infamous) mainstream movies that capture actors having real sex on the screen.

Our fascination with these mainstream movies with real sex scenes seems a little odd in light of the multi-billion dollar porn industry, which offers "real" sex on film in every imaginable way. Of course it's worth asking the question about whether the real sex scenes in adult films are more or less real than sex scenes in mainstream movies, given the staged nature of their production.

The issue of real sex in movies raises a question about what constitutes real sex or sex at all. And who gets to say which films had real sex? The actors who were in the film? The publicists? There's no icon on IMDB to guide us in this realm. But for the curious, here is a list of mainstream films that are purported to contain real sex scenes.

El Topo (1970)
This cult classic, considered by some to be the goriest western ever made also features a notable real sex scene between the director-star Alexandro Jodorowsky and Mara Lorenzio, which is apparently un-simulated.

Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (1971)
Melvin Van Peebles, the director and star of this seminal blaxploitation film refused to submit it to be rated and apparently used the explicit (and in some cases un-simulated) sex to his marketing advantage, advertising on posters "Rated X By An All-White Jury!" It is also rumored that he acquired an STD while filming, and filed for and received workers compensation benefits.

Pink Flamingos (1972)
Another cult classic, this was John Waters' feature film debut. The characters in the film are competing for the title of the "Filthiest Person Alive" and in the process expose us to any number of sexual and (really) non-sexual acts designed to incite, arouse, disgust, and make us laugh like we've never laughed before.

In the Realm of the Senses (1976)
Confiscated by U.S. customs while on its way to the New York Film Festival and later released unrated, this influential film by Oshima Nagisa follows a passionate and sexually obsessive relationship to its destructive end. Apparently the film has never been shown in its entirety in Japan, and was not approved by the British film board until 1991.

Caligula (1979)
Directed by Tinto Brass and starring, among others Malcolm McDowell, John Gielgud, Peter O'Toole, and Helen Mirren, this was Penthouse founder Bob Guccione's star-studded pornographic look into the world of Ancient Rome.

Spetters (1980)
Better known for movies like Robocop, Total Recall, and the classic Showgirls, this lesser known Paul Verhoeven film follows a group of sexually-charged Dutch teenagers as they deal with dramatic life changes that involve sex in a lot of different ways.

Devil in the Flesh (1986)
This film, loosely based on the infamous novel by Raymond Radiguet, follows the highly passionate love affair between a shy and studious young man and an explosively sexual woman. Directed by Marco Bellocchio and starring Maruschka Detmers.

Idiots (1998)
This Lars von Trier film about a group of intelligent, bored individuals who decide to stir up their lives by acting as if they have developmental disabilities in public, was the second film made under the strictures of Dogme 95, requiring natural lighting, handheld cameras, and no special effects or makeup. Appropriately to the natural approach, the film also features real sex scenes.

Pola X (1999)
This film, based on a Herman Melville novel, and directed by Leos Carax, receives mixed reviews ranging from intense to just intensely pretentious, and most of the attention in the U.S. had to do with the steamy and apparently real sex scene between the two main characters. Read more about Pola from About.com's Guide to World Film:

Romance (1999)
Catherine Breillat's film about a woman's exploration into the depths of her own sexual meaning, has, like many films in the list, been panned and praised. In addition to many obviously real sex scenes, Romance featured the mainstream debut of porn superstar Rocco Siffredi, whose acting certainly did the porn world proud (which is saying something).

Baise-Moi (2000)
Called "a kind of Thelma & Louise on crack," Baise-Moi is full of explicit real sex, and while it may be worth seeing, it's far from erotic. The film is violent, difficult to stomach in parts, and some critics say it's just plain bad. But there's no question that Virginie Despentes directorial debut (the film is based on her novel of the same name) uses sex to challenge viewers in ways unthought of by the makers of, say, 9½ weeks.

Intimacy (2001)
The censorious British Film Review Board decided to leave a real oral sex scene intact in Patrice Chereau's film about two people who meet for casual (and in the case of one of them, adulterous) sex every Wednesday.

The Pornographer (2001)
A Bertrand Bonello film about a pornographer who took off 20 years from the industry returns to making porn films but finds that the meaning and business of the industry have completely changed -- for worse. The filmed porn scenes apparently feature real sex.

Ken Park (2002)
Director Larry Clark has a habit of putting young people on screen in ways that are disconcerting to many, and Ken Park, which apparently includes two real sex scenes, is no exception.

The Brown Bunny (2004)
This Vincent Gallo film captured plenty of attention for its real oral sex scene starring Chloe Sevigny, and generally less for it's, you know, everything else.

9 Songs (2005)
Michael Winterbottom's latest film experiment mixes live music and real sex. It's also responsible for what may be my favorite closing line of any film review: "The on-screen ejaculations might be more than mainstream audiences are comfortable with, but Winterbottom's intentions are pure."

Battle in Heaven (2005)
Carlos Reygadas' film about the daughter of a politician who leads a double life as a high-end prostitute, filmed with a cast of non-professional actors. Read a review of Battle in Heaven.

Destricted (2006)
Destricted is the first short film collection of its kind, bringing together sex and art in a series of short films created by some of the world's most visual and provocative artists and directors. Explicit in content, they reveal the diverse attitudes by which we represent ourselves sexually. Learn more about Destricted.

Shortbus (2006)
The most recent reminder that if you put real sex in a movie, that's all anyone is likely to talk about. This John Cameron Mitchell film chronicles the sex lives of a group of New Yorkers. Read a review of Shortbus.

Penis size is determined entirely by factors out of our control. Yet penis size may be the single greatest cause of anxiety for men young and old. Questions about penis size abound; What’s the average penis size? Can I increase my penis size? Does penis size matter as much as I think it does? Some of these questions have easy answers, most of them don’t.

What can safely be said is that concern about penis size is almost always misguided. Great sex is much more than the sum (or length) of its parts. Hopefully learning more about what researchers and regular folks have to say about penis size may help more men understand that.

What is the average penis size?

Data on what the average penis size is, both in terms of length and girth, as well as an explanation of the problems with measuring penis size and determining global statistics on average penis size.

Who cares more about penis size, women or men?

Is bigger always better? Does penis size matter to the general public? Here’s what research tells us about the importance of penis size.

Think your penis is too small?

There are some very simple reasons why most men think their penis is too small, here they are.

Bad penis science: What’s wrong with research on penis size?

One of the reasons that it’s so difficult to find accurate global data on average penis size is that measuring penises is a lot more complicated than you might think. As a result there is a lot of bad research out there on penis size.

How do I measure up?

There is a tendency to compare yourself to others, and if most of your sex education has been from pornography, comparing your penis size to the images you see on your computer screen or TV may not be a good thing. Here’s the real story on how you measure up, and the trouble with comparing penis size.

Is there a “right” penis size?

Is there such a thing as your “genital soul mate”? Does penis size play a role in how well you and a partner are matched sexually?

Can penis pumps make my penis larger?

They’re marketed as permanent penis enlargers, and you get emails every day praising their effectiveness. But do penis pumps really enlarge the penis?

What is a micropenis?

Learn more about what does, and does not, qualify clinically as a very small penis. Most men who think they have one don’t.

Small penis syndrome

A new proposed diagnosis for men who are anxious about their penis size despite being shown that they do not have an unusually small penis.

Why do some people care about penis size?

There are those who say penis size does matter. What’s important about penis size for them, and why do they care about it?

Nine things to know about male sexuality

There’s so much more to men than the size of their penis. Here is a crash course on key aspects of male sexuality that everyone should know about.

Male Genitalia 101

The penis is only one of several parts to the male sexual anatomy. When you learn more about what’s there, you may stop neglecting all the other sexual bits, and you could discover a world of pleasure you hadn’t imagined.

In theory, homemade sex toys should be the best of all possible sex toys. Given that most store-bought sex toys are designed and manufactured by people who never use them, and don’t really care about your sex life in the first place, how much better would you be at designing exactly what you want? While the answer usually is "not much better" it can still be a fun act of love (self or other) to make your own sex toys.

I would argue that what’s best about homemade sex toys is the creative process involved in developing them. Figuring out what sort of food item or hardware store-find is going to feel good where, is an exercise worth its weight in banana peels and silicone scrub brushes.

Below you’ll find some basic homemade sex toy tips, along with a variety of websites and books dedicated to the art of the homemade sex toy. If you take inspiration from others, you can also read my interview with the ingenious folks at Homemade-Sex-Toys.com .

Penetration Produce
Turn your favorite vegetable into your favorite vegetable with this basic homemade sex toy. Cucumbers are great for this as they can be easily peeled down to the perfect size. Some recommend briefly boiling the vegetable to soften it up.
Variations: You can also experiment with textures and temperatures. Unpeel a soft banana and put it inside a condom, use a microwave to warm it up, or the fridge to cool it down.
Safety: Only use toys like this for vaginal penetration. I would say that the hazards of unsafe anal penetration should outweigh your curiosity about whether or not that carrot could ever actually get stuck up there. And always use a condom over anything you put inside you.

Putting Your Thing into Other Things
Long before the eponymous scene in American Pie, guys have used fruit, fabric, pillows, balloons, and all manner of pastry as their own homemade sex toys. My favorite recent TV reference comes from the uncle on the Showtime TV show "Weeds" who recommended masturbation using empty banana peels to his nephew.
Variations: With homemade masturbation toys, the world is your oyster (although I’d avoid oysters, shells have sharp edges). Pick your favorite soft fruit, and carve away. You can also use a small plastic bag or a condom slipped through a roll of toilet paper and fill them up with any semi-hard or gooey substance for a homemade “masturbator”.
Safety: Avoid highly acidic fruits as it could irritate the urethral opening at the tip of the penis. Also, avoid things that could abrade the skin. A ripe avocado is fine, but a pineapple maybe not so much. If you’re using cardboard tubes for structure, make sure you’ve left extra room for growth. This is not a place you want to get a paper cut!

Hardware Homemade Sex Toys
Take a trip to your local hardware store and play this game; you and your partner each try to find five things that you could make into homemade sex toys. Next, go home and each of you is responsible for taking the contents of the other persons shopping basket and turning them into tools of pleasure.
Variations: You’ll quickly discover that almost everything in a hardware store has the potential for sexual use. You can go hi-tech and use a remote control doorbell to turn on and off a simple battery vibrator, or keep it simple and pick up a few feather dusters for torture tickling.
Safety: Common sense should guide you just as it does with any home reno project. Avoid anything that can cut or scrape the skin, think about allergic reactions you might have, and any sort of restraint toy needs to be easily removable.

Great Homemade Sex Toy Links

Homemade-Sex-Toys.com The first stop for any homemade sex toy enthusiast, this site specializes in homemade sex toy projects that are low pressure, low tech, and lots of fun. Illustrations and photos accompany step-by-step instructions.

Slashdong.com The best place to find and share information about teledildonics and any kind of sex toy/computer mash up you can imagine. Run by self-described “mad scientist” (read: robotics engineer) qDot, Slashdong is also a very welcoming and supportive site for people of any sexual stripe who want to push the boundaries of sex and technology.

Symtoys.com
This site offers five projects, three of which are for creating remote control vibrators.

Condom Dildos from MyVag.net
Check out the brightly colored dildos from one of my favorite women’s sexual health information sites.

Fan Masturbator (via Fleshbot )
Instructions are in Japanese, but the visuals pretty much speak for themselves.

BDSM “Pervertibles” from Amorous Propensities
A list of sites that offer homemade sex toys for BDSM play of varying difficulty, creativity, and quality.

Book: 21st Century Kinky Crafts The majority of do-it-yourself sex toy advice that’s available online is geared toward people interested in making toys for BDSM play. The majority of projects in Kinky Crafts fall into this category, but there are instructions on making regular dildos and vibrating toys as well. The quality of the projects in this book range wildly, but the DIY spirit is always in the right place.

Here's How:

1. Be authentic in your dirty talk.
   Dirty talk can feel silly if you expect it to be what you’ve seen in the movies. You might have this idea that dirty talk is something specific. But good dirty talk is completely what you make it, and to do it well, you have to be yourself. While you may take on a role in your dirty talk (e.g. the ravished submissive) you need to find something of yourself in the role. Make a list of different aspects of your personality you can draw on for inspiration.
2. Find your dirty talk voice.
   You need to find your own way of talking dirty. Your dirty talk might be low rhythmic grunts, high pitched squeals, or precise whispers. It might reflect the way you talk in your daily life, or it might express a different aspect of your personality. You don’t need to pick only one voice, the element of surprise can add an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn’t know what they’re going to get an earful of next!
3. Expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
   Most of us are raised not to swear. Dirty talk is your opportunity to pull out all the stops on the foul mouth express. Unless you’re role playing calls for it, avoid clinical terms (like penis). If you’re at a loss, do some research. Both of the books recommended below have lists of words. But you can do research online, by reading some raunchy erotica, or in some cases watching porn (although the dirty talk in porn tends to be unimaginative).
4. Practice dirty talk when you're alone.
   Carol Queen, author of the highly recommended Exhibitionism for the Shy , suggests starting on your own, talking dirty while you masturbate. Fantasize about having sex with your partner and talking dirty to them. You can start by doing it in your head, but eventually do it out loud.
5. Establish ground rules with your partner.
   One of the reasons many of us don’t talk dirty is fear of sounding ridiculous, or being put down or rejected by a partner. It’s important to set some rules when you’re willing to take risks like this. Rules like no laughing at one another, and no judgment are important. In the heat of the moment anything can come out of your mouth, and you need to know that your partner is respectful of the ways that can be exposing.
6. Start slow the first time.
   Don’t feel you have to rush right into elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start with dirty talk is to describe out loud what is happening during sex. Things like “I love the way your hand feels in my….” Or “Your …feels so good on/in my…” Describe what’s happening and how it feels in your body. You can also experiment by telling your partner something you’re going to do to them, or something you want them to do to you.
7. Experiment with your voice.
   Most of us take for granted all the different things we can do with our voice, and the impact these changes have. Experiment with speed, how fast you talk. Some things call for a staccato barrage, while some things are best said slowly. Change the volume of your voice, try whispering, try screaming, try everything in the middle. Also play with the tenor of your voice. You can sound commanding and harsh, trembling and uncertain, and everywhere in between.
8. Make dirty talking a two way conversation.
   Once you’ve taken the risk and initiated talking dirty with your partner, ask them to do the same. It isn’t for everyone, and you might find that you like doing it more than hearing it (or vice versa). But being on the receiving and the giving end of dirty talk can give you a different perspective on it, plus you may learn a few things from your partner you didn’t already know.

Europe's top DVD rental service, Lovefilm, surveyed 120,000 of its members on what they thought was the greatest sex scene in film.

On one hand, the absence of 9 1/2 Weeks (which is ubiquitous on U.S. movie-goer top 10 sex scene lists) indicates a superior European taste in sex scenes. On the other hand, the car wash scene from Wild Things appears five spots above The Hunger which I just can't understand. The complete list is below. Images courtesy of Pricegrabber.

Determining the average penis size for a group of males, let alone for men around the world, is more complicated than you might imagine. Unfortunately most information about average penis size comes from popular culture and not science. Let's start by considering some figures from science.

The results from three studies of penis size where the measurements were taken in a laboratory setting give the following ranges:

• Average penis length (flaccid/not erect): from 3.4 inches to 3.7 inches (8.6 cm to 9.3 cm)
• Average penis length (erect): from 5.1 inches to 5.7 inches (12.9 cm to 14.5 cm)
• Average penis girth (circumference when erect): from 3.5 inches to 3.9 inches (8.8 cm to 10 cm)

These numbers are obviously very different from the sizes we hear (and see) in adult movies, and even the kinds of numbers you read on line. Why such a difference?

Many, possibly most, statistics you read are not from legitimate research, but from marketing companies who want you to feel bad about your penis size (so you’ll buy their product).

Important facts about reports of average penis size

• There is much greater variation in size of flaccid (non-erect) penises than of penises when they are erect. A soft penis that looks large may be roughly the same size when erect as a soft penis that looks smaller.
• Because most men see other penises when they are not erect it can appear as if there is a big difference, and men may be likely to assume their erect penis is much smaller when compared to others.
• Male porn stars are often chosen specifically because they have larger than average penises. Also, there are a variety of techniques used to make penises look bigger on camera. Lighting, camera angle, and even shaving of pubic hair can all make things look bigger on camera.

Problems with research on average penis size

Determining what the average penis size is seems like it shouldn’t be that complicated. It’s a physical body part, you measure it, and repeat hundreds of thousands of times around the world, then take an average. Unfortunately, arriving at an accurate idea of what is an average penis size, is more complicated. Some of the problems with figuring out average penis size include:

• Is penis size considered to be the length, the girth, or both?
• When measuring penis length, where do you start?
• Is penis girth measured at the base of the penis, at the glans (head), or around the shaft?
• Are the people measured in these studies representative of the general population?
• Do all studies include measurements taken by others, or self-reported measurements (which are historically bigger than measurements reported by others)?

Different studies answer these questions differently, which makes arriving at a single average penis size almost impossible. Also, many researchers believe that those who are willing to participate in a study about penis size may have larger than average penises, which would also skew the results.

_References:

1. _{H. Wessells, T. Lue, & J. McAninch. Penile Length in the Flaccid and Erect States: Guidelines for Penile Augmentation The Journal of Urology. Vol: 156, Issue: 3, September, 1996.}
2. _{A. Smith D. Jolley, J. Hocking et al. Does penis size influence condom slippage and breakage? International Journal of STD AIDS 9: 444–447, 1998.}
3. _{P. Bondil, P. Costa JP. Daures, et al. Clinical study of the longitudinal deformation of the flaccid penis and of its variations with aging. European Urology 21: 284–286, 1992.}
4. _{C. da Ros C. Telo¨ken, P. Sogari , et al. Caucasian penis: what is the normal size? Journal of Urology 151: 323A, 1994.}
5. _{A. Kinsey, W. Pomeroy, & C. Martin. Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia, WB Saunders, 1948.}
6. _{J. Richters, J. Gerofi, & B. Donovan. Are condoms the right size(s): a method for self measurement of the erect penis. Venereology 8: 77–81, 1995.}
7. _{T. Schneider, H. Sperling, G. Lummen, et. al. Does penile size in younger men cause problems in condom use? a prospective measurement of penile dimensions in 111 young and 32 older men. Urology 2001 pp. 314-318.}
8. _{Z. Awwad, M. Abu-Hijleh, S Basri, et. al. Penile measurements in normal adult Jordanians and in patients with erectile dysfunction International Journal of Impotence Research 17, 191−195, 2005.}

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Here's How:

1. Avoid performance pressure about the "magic spot".
   People can become fixated on achieving a sexual goal (multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasm, g-spot orgasms) One thing I can promise is that this is the best way to NOT enjoy any sort of sexual encounter. Remember that sexual exploration is mostly about the journey, not the destination (although the destination is better than most, I’ll agree). Try not to make this another notch in your “sexually self-actualized” belt.
2. Turn yourself on.
   Any homework that starts with this is bound to be somewhat fruitful. The spongy area around the g-spot gets engorged with blood when you’re sexually aroused, so it is much easier to find and feel when you’re turned on.
3. Get comfortable and find the g-spot area.
   Lie on your back, squat, or lie on your stomach. Place your palm face down on your vulva and slowly insert a finger inside your vagina (use lube if you’re feeling a little dry), crooking it forward in a “come hither” motion. When you’re up to about the second knuckle you should feel a slightly bumpy or ridged area on the upper wall of your vagina.
4. Notice how the g-spot feels.
   The texture of the g-spot area will likely be noticeably different from the typically smooth walls of the vagina. When you’re aroused it can expand, so feel it at different times during your arousal to get familiar with its contours and sensitivity. The g-spot responds to pressure, so press down and pull forward using that "come hither" motion with your fingers.
5. Explore the g-spot with toys.
   For some it can be awkward to stimulate the g-spot by hand. A g-spot vibrator or dildo can be a great helper in this. Apply a little lube to your toy, and insert it with the tip (if it’s curved) pointing up toward the top wall of your vagina. Work it in slowly, far enough (a couple of inches) so the tip is pressing against your g-spot.
6. Experiment with pressure and motion.
   Some women will find pressure against the g-spot pleasurable, some women like the feeling vibration when a toy is pressing against the g-spot. Experiment and see if either feels good for you. For most women, the g-spot responds to firm pressure. In the beginning, use your toy as if you were trying to scratch an itch—don’t pull the toy all the way out, but use short strokes, applying firm pressure, against the g-spot.
7. Vary the movements.
   A circular or back-and-forth motion may be necessary to get you started, but you might soon graduate to a more vigorous thrusting. If you’ve got a vibrator, try playing with the vibrations both on and off to see which you like better.
8. Add clitoral stimulation to g-spot play.
   You’ll know you’re hitting the spot as you feel tingly sensations, the urge to pee, and an overall elevation in your arousal. When you feel the urge to come, stimulate your clitoris using your favorite method. Keep stroking your g-spot.
9. Let go.
   With continued stimulation, you’ll eventually feel a sensation much like having to pee. This can be quite disconcerting at first, and has probably led plenty of women to abandon the process, but if you stick with it you’ll be in for a pleasant surprise. You may or may not ejaculate, but ejaculation is perfectly normal (and it's not urine).
10. If you don’t at first orgasm, try try again. It can take several practice sessions before you notice any build up. Try varying your position, using a different toy, experimenting with breathing and kegel exercises (to strengthen your PC muscle), or having a partner help you. Because the g-spot is most responsive when aroused, you may also want to try stimulating it after you’ve had an orgasm.
11. Remember the ear lobe.
    Experimenting with the g-spot can be fun, and you never know what you’ll learn in the process. But try not to get hung up on this being a mind-blowing experience. If you’re playing around and it’s not doing anything for you, try something else, and know that there is nothing wrong with you, and what turns us all on is incredibly individual and unique.