by Lexy London

How can I have a FRENCH KISS of my girlfriend?

Ask and ye shall receive. First I'll give some general tips on French kissing, and then cover the common kissing pitfalls experienced by all, be they newbies or old pros.

I can't really tell from your question what stage your relationship is at, but before you dive into the world of tongue kissing, I urge you both to relax and become well-versed in the art of ordinary, non-tongue kissing. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, there's really no reason to rush things. By taking it slow, you will both become physically comfortable with each other. Showing her non-kissing affection like holding her hand, putting your arm around her, resting your hand on her neck or the small of her back - these are the kinds of things that can help you gauge the comfort level you've reached and if she's okay with that kind of contact, you're ready to start the kissing.

Keep it slow. There's a reason MTV has an award for best on-screen kiss. And there's also a reason that women get off on cheesy romantic movies and not hardcore porn. This may or may not be part of foreplay, but there's very little that's sexier than a long, amazing kiss. Start with just lips, touching lightly together. Close your eyes; don't think of anything. Concentrate on the sensations. Part your lips when it feels right. Move closer. Don't forget to use your hands. Gently rub your partner's back, neck, run your fingers through their hair, trace a finger along the collar bone.

When you've done the tame stuff for a while, get your tongue involved. Dart the tip of your tongue out to touch her lower lip. You'll find that Newton's Third Law of Motion is true. Her tongue will come out to play. Make a mental note of what she does. Generally, people kiss the way they want to be kissed. If she pets your tongue with hers, feel free to reciprocate. If she gently bites your bottom lip, she's not going to object to a nibble. When things start heating up, let her know by voicing it. You don't have to be articulate since your lips are obviously preoccupied. Just make the kind of noise that lets her know you're captivated - a moan, a growl, even a groan gets the message across.

If things progress to necking - don't suck so hard you give her a hickey! Hickeys are juvenile and honestly no one enjoys it. You're not a vampire, and unless she wears a burka, everyone will know what y'all were up to.

Also, if you're going to be making out for any length of time, shave before your date. If you don't, she'll be "scruffed" - my term for the red chafing around and about the mouth and chin as a result of kissing a man who thinks a day's growth of beard is sexy. The next morning she'll look like a baboon's ass.

And finally, the common pitfalls experienced by girls from all four corners of the world:

Star Trek-tongue: Going boldly where no tongue has gone before. This is the unfortunate situation where a guy inserts his tongue so far into his partner's mouth that the gag reflex is triggered - good for bulimics, bad for everyone else. This is never sexy. Seriously. And I've never heard of a girl doing this. Why? I commissioned a psych study on it, but my preliminary theory is the Surrogate Penis Complex - for now, only your tongue will be breaching those lips, so you're making the most of the situation.

One-two-three-four, I declare a tongue war: Pretty self-explanatory. Tongue War ensues whenever boundaries are unclear. So if you're Yasser Arafat, and you have a hot date with Ariel Sharon, you're going to need to put up some orange cones in the West Bank. If you feel like you're constantly advancing, and she's constantly retreating and fighting off your artillery with pebbles, then it might be time to sit down and discuss the situation. She probably won't want to hurt your feelings, so ask her to show you how she likes to be kissed. Then kiss her that way.

A little too much spittle: It's fine for there to be saliva involved, but not if it's involved with your partner's chin, neck or shirt. And you certainly don't want a spit "line" spanning your two mouths if you pull back to look longingly into her eyes. If the spit isn't contained in your mouths, you're doing something wrong.

The "Clank": Usually the result of an excess of enthusiasm and one too many rum and cokes. This is when you swoop in for the kiss, but so does your partner, and you end up smacking front teeth together. It can be painful and potentially expensive. Slow the hell down. She's obviously into you, so let her come to you.