In the United States there was a sexual revolution that supposedly happened in the 1960s and 1970s. During that revolution, sex became less a sacred thing between husband and wife, and more a thing between two (or more) friends/strangers/acquaintances/cellmates. The funny thing was that, for a lot of women, it still wasn't fun. They were free to find as many sexual partners as possible, but those partners weren't able to get the women to orgasm. Then in the 1980s and 1990s, American women started focusing on enjoying themselves during sex. Instead of fulfilling their wifely obligations by letting their husbands grind away for two minutes, and roll over and fall asleep, they started insisting on a little "she" time. Shows like Sex and the City exposed the not-so-dirty little secret that women can be professionals, mothers, wives, etc, and still enjoy sex. The hard part, it turned out, was in getting their men to make a little effort. Unfortunately, in some places in the world, sex is still in the 1950s.


I've been married for six months. Both my husband and I had sex for the first time on our wedding night and I have never had an orgasm during sex. (And I know what an orgasm feels like because I masturbate). Every night is same for me: we have sex, my husband explodes within five minutes, and then it's over. He rolls over and falls asleep, and I masturbate to finish myself off. And it's not that he doesn't know about it. He knows very well that he has never given me an orgasm. At times he fingers me and helps me masturbate, but I want to enjoy sex as much as he does. Is it because of his penis? His penis is not that big. It's 5" and not that thick. I don't know what's wrong, please help me. I'm losing hope.


I'll be frank with you... your husband is just being lazy. It likely has very little to do with the size of his penis - 5" is only slightly below average. Unless it's really only as thick as a pencil, it's certainly big enough to do the job. The problem isn't the penis, it's the man.

In talking with a couple of girlfriends recently, they both wholeheartedly agreed that "he knows that first we take care of me, and then we take care of him." I think that your first move is to institute that rule in your house. It's lovely that he "fingers you and helps you masturbate" but if there's any chance of you having an intercourse-driven orgasm, it's only if you're already well on the way toward a non-vaginal orgasm. Get him to use his fingers and/or mouth to get you close to orgasm before he ever gets close himself. When you feel yourself getting very close, tell him then, and only then, is he allowed to put his penis inside. You'll also probably have better luck if you try having sex in positions in which the action of the penis going in and out of your vagina creates friction between your vaginal lips/clitoral hood and your clitoris. The best positions for this are generally ones where you have your legs tightly together - laying face down with your legs together, doggie-style with your legs tightly together, etc.

Another way for you to enjoy it more is to try a position where you or your husband can stimulate your clitoris while he's inside you. There are a lot of tantric methods that allow this, but probably the easiest is for him to lay on his back (men love this), and for you to straddle his hips. If you lean back while he's inside you, both you and he will have access to your clitoris - you can rub it like you normally do while masturbating, and you may find that the added sensation of his penis inside you will push you over the edge.

When it comes down to it, though, you need to tell your husband that sex isn't working for you. Communication in marriage is a two-way street - you say that he knows he has never given you an orgasm, but he may not know that it bothers you. Granted most men would be at least a little embarrassed if their wives had to resort to masturbation on a nightly basis, but it's possible he doesn't even know it's a problem. Tell him you want to try my suggestions because you think it's time you both enjoyed sex.

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a senior named Jonathan Fabb who everyone called Hoover. At the time, I had no idea why they called him that. He was kind of an idiot, so I sort of assumed that it was a "thinker" nickname because his classmates thought he sucked. When I finally asked my older brother, he explained that Jonathan had been found by a couple of his friends naked on the floor of his living room with a tank vacuum sucking vigorously on the head of his teenaged penis. Having neither a penis nor the inclination to stick it into the suction end of a vacuum, I have no idea whether it feels good or not… I just hope it was a wet-dry vacuum.


I am a twenty year old girl living in Pakistan. I've been in a relationship for the last two years, but it's basically a long-distance relationship. I lost my virginity last year. What I want to ask is that is there anything safe other than a dildo that I can use for masturbation? Dildos aren't very easily available here in this country, and I don't want to have to deal with customs if I order it from overseas. What do you think would be appropriate to use?


I'm not really the right person to say what's appropriate for you to use, but I will give you some suggestions, and you can decide what you think is appropriate. I think the most important thing to think about is your safety, so my first bit of advice is no matter what you decide to use, you should definitely go out and buy a stash of condoms to put over your chosen item. If there's some reason a condom won't work - there are sharp edges, abrasive textures, it's too big - it's probably not a good choice for use as a dildo anyway.

The first and probably most easily accessible option is some sort of fruit or vegetable that's properly shaped. A green banana, a properly sized cucumber, a carrot, cob of corn, zucchini… all should take a condom nicely, and work pretty well. Use of a condom is especially important with food items because if, by chance, some bit of the vegetable/fruit breaks off and ends up inside of you, it could cause a nasty bacterial or yeast infection. And the last thing you want to tell a gynecologist is that you're pretty sure you lost a bit of carrot up there. Also, with food items, you'll only want to use it once and throw it away afterwards.

Also easily accessible, and non-suspicion-raising, are things like the handles of screwdrivers, magic markers, some deodorant canisters, large makeup brushes, shampoo or lotion bottles, etc. Basically anything that is in the right shape and size. Look for things that have non-porous surfaces. Unlike with food items, you don't need to worry about leaving parts behind, but you do need to be mindful of sharp edges (on, say, magic markers or bottles). Again, I would suggest using a condom over the item because you have no idea what bacteria, etc, is on your screwdriver, marker, or bottle, and whether you use a condom or not, you should wash the item afterwards with an anti-bacterial soap.

Finally, some precautions: don't use anything breakable (i.e. glass), and if by chance you end up using your homemade dildo for anal penetration, keep in mind that you should only use items that have some sort of "flared" base. The vagina has a natural end-point (the cervix), but things can actually get lost in the rectum. Again, you don't want to be at the emergency room explaining things to a doctor.

As usual, I'd like to hear from the rest of you - both male and female - what methods and devices have you used to masturbate?

When you first get into a relationship, sex often happens spontaneously. Sometimes it's so spontaneous that neither of you is prepared for it. That can mean sex in semi-public situations, or in the middle of the night when one of you wakes up horny and wakes up the other. It's a heady time. And it can also mean throwing caution to the wind and going for it when, in the past, you've been patient and waited a couple of days. And then there are people who are up just about anything.


I am a 25-year old male from Pakistan. I have been in a relationship for the past three years and we are both pretty serious and happy together as well. We've both gone past the virginity divide. What I am curious about, more than anything, is whether a couple is able to have sex during a female is undergoing her periods. If yes, any precautions that I need to keep in mind?

Secondly, would it be safe to have sex when my wife-to-be is pregnant? I've heard of a few porn orientations to that end but I don't trust that mode for my sex facts. I wouldn't want to harm neither the baby nor my wife. If yes, up until which month is it safe to have sex? Again, any precautions?

Looking forward to a reply.


As to your first question, you certainly can have sex when your girlfriend/wife is having her period. Some women aren't comfortable doing it, and others have no issues with it, but my first advice would be not to assume that she will want to do it. If you decide you want to, ask her before you start in and make sure she's down with it. A lot of women are actually pretty horny while on their periods, and I've even heard that for some women, it's easier for them to orgasm while on their period. There are a couple of things to keep in mind if you're going to have sex while she's bleeding:

- Women have very distinctive flows. Some women may have particularly heavy bleeding on the first day of their period, and then light for other days, and vice versa. You'll probably want to find out from her which days are lighter, and try that first.

- Whether you do it on a light day or a heavy day, it's likely to be messy. Think about it when you're getting ready to have sex because you don't want to spend hours trying to get blood out of sheets, clothes and mattresses.

- You'll probably want to use some lubrication. It may seem like there's enough liquid in the vagina with the menstrual blood, but menstrual fluid isn't lubricating. In fact, it often has the opposite effect - even if she's horny and excited, the friction of intercourse could actually dry her vagina out, and it will make it uncomfortable for both of you.

- You'll also probably want to use a condom. Almost every guy I've ever talked to about this issue have had a weird reaction to finishing and finding blood all over their penis. If you are particularly vigorous, you'll probably end up with blood on your scrotum and thighs, but a condom will make it slightly less messy. A condom is also a decent protection against both STDs and pregnancy. Yes, she can still get pregnant if you have sex while she's on her period. The odds are pretty low but it can, and does, happen.

- Finally, as for oral sex (on her)… your on your own. I've heard of people who are into it, and they all say that a tampon is necessary.


And as for your second question, I'm glad to hear that porn isn't your source for sex advice, but you'll be happy to hear what I have to say about sex while pregnant. It's generally perfectly fine to do it, and most women can have sex, and orgasms, all the way through their ninth month of pregnancy. Here are a couple of things to think about, however.

- Again, listen to your wife's feelings and thoughts on the matter. In the first trimester, she may be too fatigued, nauseated, and anxious about a miscarriage to have sex. If she is, bide your time and know that after a few weeks pass, she will be in a better place physically and emotionally.

- In the second trimester, most women are feeling pretty good physically, and the hormonal surges that cause fatigue, etc, in the first trimester are over. Many women are very into sex, and actually find it more pleasurable than ever. Many report being able to climax easily and more often than usual.

- In the final few weeks of the pregnancy, you may find it awkward to have sex, but it can actually be helpful to your wife. When a baby is overdue, the hormones in semen can actually speed delivery along by sort of softening up the cervix.

- Experiment with new positions. You may find that the old positions you're used to with your wife aren't possible, so try some new things like her on top, or her on her knees. Women often feel better if they can control the depth of penetration while pregnant, so if she's feeling uncomfortable, switch things around.

- Finally, if she has any risk factors for premature delivery, you should talk very frankly with her obstetrician about sex. You should ask whether it's okay for her to have sex and/or orgasms, and if the doctor tells you it's not safe, listen to her.

The internet has really sort of revolutionized dating and relationships. Desperate singles used to troll bars, dance clubs and supermarkets hoping to meet someone special. When they got really desperate they'd turn to personal ads in newspapers which would read something like: "DWM 38 seeks SWF 19-24 for PDA." And long distance relationships were either the result of people who were together at one point and had to move apart for some reason, or a mail-order bride gone awry. These days, however, the internet has spawned who knows how many "relationships" between people who have never met each other. And although there are certainly happy endings that come out of long-distance internet romances, there are a lot of unhappy endings as well.


Me and my friend Rajat have been friends for around eight years. For about a year, he's had a girlfriend through the internet. They've never met. During this time he also happened to meet another girl at his work. And he began to be interested in her, and proposed to her to be his girlfriend.

She never knew about his romance over the internet. He has lied to the new girlfriend about the internet relationship, and said that it's only a chat friend. Then his girlfriend over the internet came to know about the new girlfriend and wanted to break up with him. And she did breakup, but Rajat would not let her go. He lied to her and said that the new girlfriend is just another female friend. Now he is basically cheating both of the girls.

Moreover Rajat used to tell his close friends that he is not going to marry anyone. And that he is simply fooling around with these girls.

Worried about the welfare of his girlfriend, I called up her and told her that he is cheating on her. There was no trouble for me till this moment. Then, after she came to know the true nature of her boyfriend, she began calling me up and crying. I was able to comfort her for some days. But I know I'm not a great speaker or an advisor. And personally I've never been in love or cheated on anybody. So I would not know what to tell her and advise her to help her get along in her life.

For most Indian girls, love happens once in a lifetime. Or that's what they think. And his girlfriend is no exception. She's gone to the verge of suicide, too. But somehow, by god's grace, nothing happened. Now she is lamenting that she does not have a life, and wonders what's to become of her.

Recently her father died, too, and she is totally depressed. She's like a zombie in her daily life. I'd like to help her to become more confident in herself and get along in life. And to help her realize that if another good chance knocks on her door, she should welcome it. Otherwise she might end up in an arranged marriage.

Tell me, have I done a wrong by betraying my friend? So I'm asking you to help me - tell me about the rules of love. And how one should overcome a break up and getting cheated on?


I'm not sure I can answer whether or not you've done wrong by betraying your friend. Here's why - although I understand why you were compelled to tell the girlfriend he's a cheat, he could certainly make the argument that it was none of your business, and he wasn't really "cheating." Probably both women wouldn't be happy to hear about the other. The online girlfriend he's never met wouldn't be thrilled to find out there's a real, live girl to keep him warm at night, and the in-person girlfriend would be pissed to find out he's been hot-chatting with someone on the internet for a year. But… and this is a big but… he's really just not being honest with both of them. Does that rise to the level of "cheating"? I'm not sure. The in-person girlfriend (which, I'm assuming, is the one you told about the cheating) would need to get to the bottom of the internet relationship, but if he's never met the internet girl and doesn't plan to, is he really cheating? I agree that he's a jerk for not being honest with both of them, but I'm not sure he's a cheater. I suppose if looking back on it, you feel better that the girlfriend can move on with her life, then you did the right thing. Next time I'd say you should talk to him about it first. If you're still friends with him, there will probably be a next time.

As for your second question - how to get over a breakup and getting cheated on - well, different people get over things in different ways. Since she just lost her father, it's completely natural for her to be depressed. As time goes by, though, she will slowly start to come out of the depression. Usually when I hear a story like yours, the "friend" tells the girlfriend because he's got a crush on her himself, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here. You should think about her strong points, like what it was about her that made you want to tell her he was cheating, and when you have a chance to talk to her, tell her why you think she's a great person, and why you think she deserves better than Rajat. She's also young, and she has her whole life ahead of her. She deserves to be treated well, not to be lied to, and she will find the right person. She might even find him on the internet! Find Your Kind Online.

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