We you hear the term safer sex what comes to mind? Is it sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), condoms, and uncomfortable conversations with potential sex partners? In fact, using sex toys is a pretty low risk sexual behavior, but your risk of getting an STD while using sex toys can go up or down depending on how you use them, and if you follow some simple safer sex tips when using sex toys. One of the great things about sex toys is that you never have to ask if they mind using a condom. They pretty much do what they’re told (that is until robotic sex toys take over the world).

Of course, safer sex isn’t just about protecting yourself from STDs, and you can think about safer sex with sex toys in at least three ways.

Sex Toys and STDs

The risk is considered to be low, but the fact is that anything that goes into a person's rectum and/or vagina could transmit HIV or other STDs, and this includes sex toys. Several research studies have found a relationship between using sex toys and acquiring STDs, but few have looked specifically about how to use sex toys safely. Those that have are primarily studies of women who have sex with women. STDs, including HIV, can be transmitted via sex toys (although all of these studies included very few people). Researchers presume this transmission may happen via mucous or via blood which might be present on a sex toy. There are a few simple ways to prevent transmission of STDs when using sex toys:

• Don’t share your sex toys.
• If you share a sex toy, use a fresh condom on it each time for each partner.
• If you have a silicone sex toy, boil it in water between uses (you still can’t share the toy without boiling it between sharing).

If you currently have an STD you should use condoms on your toy even if you don’t share it, as it’s possible that you could re-infect yourself.

Sex Toys and Other Safer Sex Concerns

There are a few other common ways that using sex toys can lead to unintended sometimes painful consequences. Thankfully there are easy preventions for all these problems:

• Always use a fresh condom when moving a sex toy from the anus to the vagina, as bacteria that are welcome in the anus can cause serious problems in the vagina.
• Use latex or non-latex gloves for anal sex play to reduce the risk of carrying bacteria from the anus into a bottle of lubricant, your mouth, your eyes, or, again, your partner’s vagina.
• If you are prone to yeast infections, it’s suggested that you avoid lubricants with glycerin and you should probably avoid warming and flavored lubes.
• Some people can get rashes or allergic reactions to sex toys. Know about your sex toy material to reduce your risk.
• Finally, environmental organizations have raised concerns about exposure to phthalates in sex toys. There isn’t any direct evidence linking phthalates in sex toys to health problems, but what’s important is that you educate yourself so you are informed about the potential risks.

Sex Toys and Emotionally Safer Sex

An often overlooked aspect to safer sex is the idea of sex being emotionally safe. By this I mean that you should never have sex unless you’re willing. If your partner is interested in using sex toys and you don’t feel comfortable or safe, let them know. There may be ways for you to get comfortable with the idea of using sex toys (the best one is to try it out on your own first) but the bottom line is that you shouldn’t use sex toys because your partner insists or because you think they are required for a stellar sex life. Sex toys can be great, but they are by no means necessary for everyone.

Question: Bad Sex Toy Shopping Experience

I recently bought a sex toy for me and my partner. It is still in its original packaging and unused. I was talking to a friend about it who said the plastic bag inside the box it came in should be sealed properly otherwise it is highly illegal to do with health and hygiene etc… This one is sealed in the middle with a piece of tape. I tried to take it back today but the shop wouldn't accept it. I said anyone could have used it and he couldn't guarantee it was safe. He still wouldn't accept it. Have you any advice where I stand legally on this, or whether I could involve trading standards to get my money back.

Answer:

This is such a common sex shop customer experience, and exposes so many things that are still wrong with most sex toy retailers. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do about this interaction, but there are things you can do to avoid disappointment in the future.

Before suggesting some preventative strategies, I want to clear up some of the misconceptions about what sex shops are required to do. For example the taped up bag. Your friend is wrong in thinking that sex toy retailers need to have their products in sealed packaging. It’s a reasonable assumption, and I wish it were true, but you need to remember some important things about this industry:

• Sex toys are not categorized as medical devices, food, health, or fitness products, or medications
• There are no real industry standards in the adult sex toy industry, nor are their any specific governmental standards that related to this industry.
• Sex toys tend to slip through regulatory cracks as they are designated “novelty”.

The reality is that sex toys can (and often are) made in unhygienic factories, and they may be handled dozens of times before you get them home. This is why it’s very important to wash your toy well before using it the first time. It’s also why I recommend that if you are not using a toy that can be boiled in water, you should always use condoms on a toy for penetration.

The retailer is doing nothing illegal by selling you this product in a bag that just has tape on it. But they are definitely providing bad customer service if they aren’t explaining to you why the product comes this way, and what is, or is not, in the toy.

Sadly, I don’t think you have any legal recourse here. You could contact your local consumer advocate agency and see if they can help, and you should definitely spread the word about this bad customer service experience, but unless this product came with any therapeutic promises, or the retailer made specific health claims for this product that aren’t true, there’s not much you can do. What you can do is make sure that next time you purchase sex toys, you get them from a good sex shop , one that will stand behind their products, and offer you clear information to allow you to make your own decisions. There are a few things you can do to find a good sex shop, and it can be worth the time to find one that you know you can always go back to with questions, concerns, and complaints.

Book22.com is the first sex store website in the U.S. to market itself specifically to married Christian couples. It was started by Joy and Kevin Wilson, themselves a married Christian couple, who firmly believe that sexuality is a healthy part of human experience, and can be an important part of the lives of practicing Christians.

After wondering about the ramifications of this site, I contacted Joy, who kindly agreed to be interviewed about her site, her religious beliefs, and the struggles of being a Christian sex toy retailer.

One of the aspects of your site that has been getting a lot of media attention is that you say you only sell your products to married couples. Practically speaking, how do you manage this? Do you ask individual customers about their marital status?

There really is no way of monitoring this that I can see, and in all honesty I am not trying to "play God" or control people and their purchases. I bother to state this on our site because, frankly it is who I desire to sell to and bless.

You’re site has been getting some publicity in Canada recently, where gay marriage is now legal. Does this mean that Book22 also accepts orders from gays and lesbians as long as they are married?

This is a good question, and I had to ponder and pray over it a bit. My knee jerk reaction would be that I would not openly welcome gay married couples to buy from our store, but the fact of the matter is that we are all "sinners" and I don't ask other Married Couples to clean up the sin in their lives before shopping. I created Book22 for people like myself, who really wanted to spice up their marriage bed but, didn't want to be exposed to things we find vulgar/obscene or unholy. It is a specific niche- I confess.

Can you talk a bit about how your religious practice informs how you select products. Are there some products you won't carry and others that you feel particularly good about carrying?

Christianity speaks of some sexual practices that are not ”okay" in marriage. The one that applies most to what products we carry has to do with bringing a third person into the marriage bed. So we choose to not carry any products that are fashioned after real people or include other people such as x- rated videos. There are some products that Book22 shies away from; they have mostly to do with anal play. We do not feel the Bible prohibits this, we just personally prefer not to carry them. I actually am quite proud of the fact that Book22 carries dildos; we weren't going to have these types of products early on. I found that we were quite naive about this need in the elderly and disabled communities. I am grateful to the many people who have written to us and opened our eyes in this area and helped us create the special order page.

Do you get requests for products that you won't carry?

I do have requests for products that I won't carry on my site. However, I have more often than not special ordered these items for customers and still choose to not make them a regular item at Book22. The number one request has been for "Penis Pumps." I actually think they can be a very helpful item, and are often times Doctor recommended. Unfortunately there is a stigma around this type of product in the Christian community so I sell them as requests only.

Why do you think there is a stigma about penis pumps? I’m surprised by that, as it seems like a product that's much less overtly sexual than so many others.

I guess the thought in the Christian community is that penis pumps are used primarily for masturbation, and though not Biblical, masturbation is often seen as a sin. Many Catholic and Christian followers will quote the passage about Onan to back up there argument against masturbation, but if one were to really study this passage they would find he was being disobedient to God in not impregnating his brother's widow- that was the sin.

What has been the biggest surprise for you since you started Book22?

The biggest surprise to me was to find out just how many Christians were frequenting local, "Sex Shops." They have written me time and again thanking me for providing a clean non-offensive and anonymous place to shop.

Do you feel like in doing this work your faith is growing? Are you learning new things about being Christian and being sexual through this work?

Yes, and yes. I am forced to really study scripture to know God's word on the matter; my heart's desire is to be a good servant first and foremost. But, I come up against ridicule occasionally and I am not a thick skinned person- so I have to know where I stand with the Lord on this issue. The biggest thing that I struggle with is not making my "brother stumble" with the work I am doing. On the other hand the biggest blessing is just how much freedom there really is in Christ, this includes the gift of sex!

Do you see your business as being part of the adult industry?

Yes, I actually do see us as part of the adult industry. I buy from manufacturers that sell to other "adult" stores so some of the products we carry are the same (except I ask for no card board backing with nudity or obscenity.) I have had wonderful opportunities to witness to my sales reps and show the love of Jesus, they are definitely in the Adult Industry, so I guess I am too.

What is your response to people who say that neither God nor the Church would approve of what you're doing, or people who say you are doing a disservice to Christianity by talking about your faith in relation to your business.

I love this question, it gets me all fired up! I know without a doubt that I am not doing God a disservice. A strong prayer life and knowledge of His word guide me and it was Jesus who led me to creating Book22 in the first place. At times when others put doubt in my head and on my heart I would just go to Him. I have laid Book22 at His feet and if He wants it to stop operation, the business would be shut down immediately. Book22 means a lot to me but, nothing compared to my desire to follow Him.

I am not naive enough to think in the big picture of things (war/famine/natural disasters) that Book22 is so needed or important. I am however, convinced that the work I do here at Book22 has saved a marriage or two. That means a lot to me. I have also been able to minister to people I would NEVER have been able to reach otherwise, and THAT is what I am here for!

Design and Copyright 2006 by Shiri Zinn

While these sex toys may not have actually changed the world, they did change the sex toy world, and the sexual world view of many of us who are fans of these groundbreaking products. Each of these sex toys offered genuine innovation, something new, and in doing so they made us do something new with ourselves.

Pocket Rocket

The original Pocket Rocket is a compact powerful vibrator with a long lasting Japanese motor and a surprising kick. In and of itself it was not revolutionary, but it had a revolutionizing role in sex toy marketing as it was one of the first "celebrity" endorsed vibrators. On several occasions Howard Stern mentioned this particular product sending sales through the proverbial roof and making the Pocket Rocket a brand name vibrator without the manufacturer spending a penny on advertising

What makes a sex shop truly great? What elevates an sex toy shop from your everyday supply depot to a shop you can’t wait to get into? All the regular retail essentials need to be there: good prices, quality, selection, customer service. But the stores that make it into the Hall of Fame all have something more; they have passion for their work. And their work, God bless them, is to give all of us more interesting sex lives. The list is ordered by age of company, not ranked by quality.

Coco de Mer

Originating across the pond (and now with a US presence) Coco de Mer is far and away the most lavish, indulgent erotic boutique on the list. Their presence in the Hall of Fame is due mostly to the attention to detail and decadent approach to sex toy retailing. Whether online or in person, shopping in Coco de Mer is like eating just a little too much of the finest Belgian chocolate, you’re giddy and satiated all at the same time.

In theory, homemade sex toys should be the best of all possible sex toys. Given that most store-bought sex toys are designed and manufactured by people who never use them, and don’t really care about your sex life in the first place, how much better would you be at designing exactly what you want? While the answer usually is "not much better" it can still be a fun act of love (self or other) to make your own sex toys.

I would argue that what’s best about homemade sex toys is the creative process involved in developing them. Figuring out what sort of food item or hardware store-find is going to feel good where, is an exercise worth its weight in banana peels and silicone scrub brushes.

Below you’ll find some basic homemade sex toy tips, along with a variety of websites and books dedicated to the art of the homemade sex toy. If you take inspiration from others, you can also read my interview with the ingenious folks at Homemade-Sex-Toys.com .

Penetration Produce
Turn your favorite vegetable into your favorite vegetable with this basic homemade sex toy. Cucumbers are great for this as they can be easily peeled down to the perfect size. Some recommend briefly boiling the vegetable to soften it up.
Variations: You can also experiment with textures and temperatures. Unpeel a soft banana and put it inside a condom, use a microwave to warm it up, or the fridge to cool it down.
Safety: Only use toys like this for vaginal penetration. I would say that the hazards of unsafe anal penetration should outweigh your curiosity about whether or not that carrot could ever actually get stuck up there. And always use a condom over anything you put inside you.

Putting Your Thing into Other Things
Long before the eponymous scene in American Pie, guys have used fruit, fabric, pillows, balloons, and all manner of pastry as their own homemade sex toys. My favorite recent TV reference comes from the uncle on the Showtime TV show "Weeds" who recommended masturbation using empty banana peels to his nephew.
Variations: With homemade masturbation toys, the world is your oyster (although I’d avoid oysters, shells have sharp edges). Pick your favorite soft fruit, and carve away. You can also use a small plastic bag or a condom slipped through a roll of toilet paper and fill them up with any semi-hard or gooey substance for a homemade “masturbator”.
Safety: Avoid highly acidic fruits as it could irritate the urethral opening at the tip of the penis. Also, avoid things that could abrade the skin. A ripe avocado is fine, but a pineapple maybe not so much. If you’re using cardboard tubes for structure, make sure you’ve left extra room for growth. This is not a place you want to get a paper cut!

Hardware Homemade Sex Toys
Take a trip to your local hardware store and play this game; you and your partner each try to find five things that you could make into homemade sex toys. Next, go home and each of you is responsible for taking the contents of the other persons shopping basket and turning them into tools of pleasure.
Variations: You’ll quickly discover that almost everything in a hardware store has the potential for sexual use. You can go hi-tech and use a remote control doorbell to turn on and off a simple battery vibrator, or keep it simple and pick up a few feather dusters for torture tickling.
Safety: Common sense should guide you just as it does with any home reno project. Avoid anything that can cut or scrape the skin, think about allergic reactions you might have, and any sort of restraint toy needs to be easily removable.

Great Homemade Sex Toy Links

Homemade-Sex-Toys.com The first stop for any homemade sex toy enthusiast, this site specializes in homemade sex toy projects that are low pressure, low tech, and lots of fun. Illustrations and photos accompany step-by-step instructions.

Slashdong.com The best place to find and share information about teledildonics and any kind of sex toy/computer mash up you can imagine. Run by self-described “mad scientist” (read: robotics engineer) qDot, Slashdong is also a very welcoming and supportive site for people of any sexual stripe who want to push the boundaries of sex and technology.

Symtoys.com
This site offers five projects, three of which are for creating remote control vibrators.

Condom Dildos from MyVag.net
Check out the brightly colored dildos from one of my favorite women’s sexual health information sites.

Fan Masturbator (via Fleshbot )
Instructions are in Japanese, but the visuals pretty much speak for themselves.

BDSM “Pervertibles” from Amorous Propensities
A list of sites that offer homemade sex toys for BDSM play of varying difficulty, creativity, and quality.

Book: 21st Century Kinky Crafts The majority of do-it-yourself sex toy advice that’s available online is geared toward people interested in making toys for BDSM play. The majority of projects in Kinky Crafts fall into this category, but there are instructions on making regular dildos and vibrating toys as well. The quality of the projects in this book range wildly, but the DIY spirit is always in the right place.