A study published in the August 2007 issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior offers what the authors purport to be the most comprehensive list of reasons people have sex that has ever been compiled.

While the list (which is really just a list of why young white college students have sex) is interesting and entertaining, I'm not sure it lives up to the researchers' claims or the sweeping generalizations made by uncritical media outlets who had a field day with headlines and gender stereotypes.

The study: In the first stage of the study, researchers asked 444 university students to list all the reasons they could think of to have sexual intercourse. Researchers compiled the results and whittled them down to a list of 237 reasons to have sex. They then asked about 1500 undergraduate students to consider each reason and indicate whether the reason describes the motivation behind none, a few, some, many, or all of their sexual experiences.

The findings: In the results, the researchers present the 237 reasons as ranked by men and women. After analyzing the responses, they proposed four larger categories that encompass all the reasons people have sex: physical reasons, goal attainment, emotional reasons, and insecurity.

The researchers point out that, of the top 25 reasons for having sex, 20 were the same for both men and women (although ranked in different order). Only six of the top 50 were ranked identically by men and women:

• Reason #1: I was attracted to the person
• Reason #6: I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
• Reason #7: I was "horny"
• Reason #15: It's exciting, adventurous
• Reason #19: The person really desired me
• Reason #32: I wanted to try new techniques or positions

The list is also notable for the variety of reasons given -- from the physical ("It feels good") or spiritual ("I wanted to feel closer to God") to the pragmatic ("someone offered me money") or spiteful ("I wanted to get even with someone"). Findings ranged from predictable to revealing:

• Men endorsed reasons that have to do with physical appearance and desirability (e.g. "The person had a desirable body") more than women.
• Men, more than women, endorsed reasons that had to do with wanting more sexual experiences or what they call "mere opportunity" to have sex (e.g. "The person was available"; "I wanted to increase the number of partners I had experienced.")
• Women endorsed reasons with emotional motivation for sex (e.g. "I wanted to express my love for the person") more than men.
• Men reported having sex to please a partner more than women.
• Men said they've had sex to gain social status or for practical reasons more than women.
• Men said they had sex to have an orgasm more than women.

Problems with the study: There are a variety of problems with this study and with the way it has been reported in the press. While these problems don't take away from the research, I think they indicate how complicated sex research can be and how careful researchers, journalists, and the rest of us need to be when comparing research to our own sexual experiences.

Some of the things to consider in this current study:

Who are "we"? The fact that the study participants were mostly white, young university students is a major limitation. One has to wonder why the investigators did not at least attempt to draw a more diverse sample, especially since they are claiming the resulting list is comprehensive. It's a shame that this point was buried in most of the mass media reporting and arguably downplayed in the paper itself.

The difference between asking and answering a question One of the drawbacks of this kind of research is its inability to address the differences in interpretation between the question asked and how it is answered. Consider the finding that more men said they had sex to have an orgasm than women. Given that men and women were remarkably similar in their top responses, and many responses included statements about experiencing physical pleasure, why would men be more likely than women to be motivated to have sex to have an orgasm? One reason could be that men are more likely to experience orgasms during heterosexual sexual intercourse, and as such, they expect it as a result. Since many women don't orgasm through intercourse, it is likely that it wouldn't be high on their list of reasons to have intercourse (we'll have to wait for the "reasons to have oral sex" study). In this case, the result about orgasm may tell us much more about the sexual experiences of participants than their sexual motivations. The results are framed as the researchers intended them to be understood -- not as the participants may have meant them.

Unanswered gender questions The researchers relied on gender as one of the fundamental constructs to explain their data. Unfortunately, they failed to adequately address the problems with this approach. They point to gender roles to explain the fact that men ranked most of the items with higher frequency than women, but don't address this same sort of bias in interpreting the lower-ranked results (which could very well be ranked lower because of response bias). And while an evolutionary psychologist would have no time for this comment, the authors fail to present a reasonable argument for gender being the primary variable of interest.

In the end, the study is an interesting one. It sheds some light on a topic that, as the authors point out, has received little scientific attention. We can only hope that, in the future, these questions will be taken up by researchers more willing to embrace a complicated population and explore conceptualizations of sexuality outside of their theoretical comfort zones.

by Lexy London

This week I'm answering a question I've gotten a couple of times from readers in Pakistan. Before I delve into the question and answer, I'd first like to apologize if my response seems harsh - it is not my intent to judge cultural or religious beliefs. The Internet has opened the floodgates to a worldwide community that shares a lot of interests and values, but there are still fundamental differences between cultures and for me, this issue strikes at the core of those differences.

The question, with a little variation between readers, is:

During first time sex, how can I know whether the girl is virgin or not? Is there any way to find out without letting her know?

The question seems simple enough, but it doesn't have a straightforward answer. When I first got a question like this, it made me wonder about the person asking, wonder about where he came from, and speculate about what kind of romantic or sexual situation he was in that would first, make him want to know whether his partner was a virgin, and second, make him want to keep that information to himself.

What is a virgin? From the manner the question is asked, it seems like my reader is looking for a physical manifestation of virginity. The hymen is a bit of tissue that either partially or completely blocks the vagina, and breaking it is what results in the conventional bleeding that occurs when a woman has intercourse for the first time. However, there are many reasons why a woman wouldn't bleed - some women are simply not born with a hymen that covers their vagina, others break their hymen by doing such innocuous things as horseback riding, exercising, or using tampons.

It has long been known that even women who haven't experienced sexual intercourse don't bleed their first time. Centuries ago, mothers would provide vials of chicken blood to their daughters on their wedding nights so that they could "prove" their chastity to their husbands. And even today, in some communities in Italy, honeymoon bedsheets are put on display for the community - God help the girl whose mother wasn't with the program.

So, physically, you may or may not find proof that your partner is a virgin. It is not the hymen that makes a woman a virgin, it is the fact that she hasn't had sexual intercourse. Which brings me to the question of why my readers want to know. As I consider this problem, I came up with three possible explanations (please feel free to e-mail me with others if you think of them).

My first theory is perhaps my reader is young, inexperienced, and unsure about the sex act itself. He is either insecure about his own performance or afraid of the possibility of being compared to past lovers. If this is the case, get over it. If your relationship has progressed to the point that she's willing to make love to you, she's not going to care either way, and the first time probably isn't going to be one for the record books anyway. Enthusiasm and nervousness don't make the most memorable lovemaking sessions.

My second guess is that he is concerned about the more concrete worry of sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps he is thinking that if she is a virgin, it is a perfect time to go without a condom - if he has proof she's never had sex, there's no chance of catching anything from her. Interesting theory . . . but bad on more than one count. First, without having had intercourse, a woman could be infected with sexually transmitted disease. They can be transmitted by genital-genital contact (without the penis actually entering the vagina), by oral-genital contact, and there are even remote chances that contact with an infected towel or sheet could lead to infection. Second, taking the risk of going without a condom is always a bad idea. Do you want to be a father? Is she ready to be a mother? Are you ready to get married to this girl who you don't even trust enough to be honest with you about her sexual history?

Which brings me to the last possibility - my readers are actually freshly wedded (or about to get married) and worried that their wives aren't quite as virtuous as they'd hoped. If this is the case, I don't have a lot of faith in the future of these relationships. Perhaps to some the American version of chastity and morals is a degraded version of, say, India & Pakistan's, but then we don't take women to doctors for virginity testing, and don't force women to prove their chastity by holding their breath under water (Paani ki Dheej) or handling hot coals (Agnipariksha).

If you have found the girl you truly want to marry, and have even a little bit of communication, you should feel comfortable asking her about her sexual history. She, however, should feel just as comfortable either telling you or not telling you. If either of those choices isn't acceptable, maybe you shouldn't get married. If you either don't believe what she does tell you (meaning you want some sort of physical proof), or aren't able to make peace with her not telling you, there will always be a barrier in your relationship, and even across cultures I don't see that barrier coming down. And just to throw a wrench into the minds of all the men who are convinced their wives were chaste because their hymens were intact on their wedding nights, there is a surgery called hymenorraphy in which a plastic surgeon reconstructs the hymen.

Two final notes:
1. If you are planning to have sex (before or after marriage), it is always a good idea for both partners to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

2. A note to ladies in places where virginity is a commodity - if you are going to have premarital sex, the best advice seems to be not to tell anyone, including close friends. In general, I'm an advocate of honesty, but if it threatens your health and/or wellbeing, it's no one's business but your own.