Postmenopausal women who have lost interest in sex may be able to bring their libidos back to life with a testosterone patch, according to new research published Wednesday in The New England Journal of Medicine.

However, the use of the male hormone to boost sex drive in women may not be risk-free. Four women in the study who were taking testosterone developed breast cancer, but none of the women on placebo did. It’s not clear whether this was a statistical blip or a warning sign that excess testosterone could cause or spur the growth of a malignancy. Some women also reported excess hair growth, although none stopped using the hormone for this reason.

Susan R. Davis, MD, PhD, of Monash University in Australia, and colleagues in the United States, Canada, and Sweden, evaluated two different doses of testosterone delivered by Procter & Gamble Pharmaceuticals’ Intrinsa patch. In 2004, a U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) panel gave Intrinsa the thumbs down and called for larger, longer studies to ensure that the medication was safe, in addition to proving that it actually helped women’s sex lives.

As the new findings show, it did. Wearing the higher-dose testosterone patch boosted a woman’s “satisfying sexual experiences” by an average of 2.1 times every four weeks, compared to an increase of just 0.7 such experiences for women taking a placebo. Both testosterone doses used in the study seemed to increase desire and decrease distress.

“Although the change in activity is modest, that’s something that is appropriate and I think most women would be more than happy with it,” says study coauthor Sheryl A. Kingsberg, PhD, chief of behavioral medicine at University Hospitals Case Medical Center in Cleveland. “They wanted to return to the level of desire they had in their premenopausal years, and that’s what they got.” Before starting treatment, the women in the study had been having satisfying sex about twice a month on average, Kingsberg points out; the higher-dose patch increased that to once a week.

“For most women and providers of health care for women, that modest benefit is clinically meaningful,” agrees North American Menopause Society president JoAnn V. Pinkerton, MD, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville, who did not participate in the study.

Some women lose interest in sex during and after menopause, due in part to the drop in estrogen that comes with the “change of life.” While taking estrogen can increase lubrication and possibly restore a woman’s sex drive, hormone replacement is now understood to up the risk of heart disease and stroke. Many physicians prescribe testosterone instead, although there is currently no testosterone product that’s FDA–approved for treating women with “hypoactive sexual desire disorder.” The European Union has approved Intrinsa, but only for women who have had their ovaries removed, a procedure also known as surgical menopause.

In the current study, 814 women who had undergone either surgical menopause or natural menopause were randomly assigned to use daily a placebo patch or an Intrinsa patch containing either 150 or 300 micrograms of testosterone. The trial lasted for a year, and a subset of women was followed for an additional year. Procter & Gamble Pharmaceuticals sponsored the study and helped design the trial as well as collect and analyze the data.

“Based on these data and other studies we’ve conducted, we are continuing our talks with [the] FDA to explore new opportunities and pathways forward,” says Procter & Gamble spokesperson, Tom Milliken.

One of the women on the 300-microgram dose was diagnosed with breast cancer three months after the study ended; three others in the testosterone groups were diagnosed with the disease between 4 and 12 months after treatment began.

“We do not know if the testosterone patch contributed to proliferation or metastasis of the breast cancer in women diagnosed in the earlier months of the study, potentially affecting their long-term survival,” says Leslie R. Schover, PhD, a behavioral scientist at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, in Houston, who recently wrote an article analyzing research on testosterone for low libido. “A valid safety study needs at least a five-year follow-up period in a large, randomized trial. If women use Intrinsa without such a trial, I believe they are risking their lives to gain a very modest increase in sexual desire.”

But Dr. Davis says she is not concerned about the increased breast cancer risk seen in the study. Four breast cancer diagnoses among 814 women during a two-year period “is not unexpected,” she says, and given that twice as many study participants were taking testosterone than were on placebo, “it is probably a chance finding that they were in the two treatment groups.”

Many doctors who treat postmenopausal women—and prescribe testosterone off-label to some of them—say a treatment tailored to women is sorely needed and would probably be safe with short-term use. “We don’t have enough safety data to say it’s safe for long-term use, but I think short-term, the benefits clearly outweigh the risks,” Dr. Pinkerton says.

But some experts warn that a pill or patch isn’t always the answer to a sexual problem.

“For women there are so many other things that can contribute to sexual issues, starting from the fact that the most important sex organ is the brain,” says Marcie Richardson, MD, director of the Harvard Vanguard Menopause Survey in Boston. “I’m glad that people are trying to sort this out with good objective evidence, but I hope we don’t fall victim to the notion that this is all about medication, because it’s not.”

When partners in a long-term committed relationship hit a point where there is an obvious difference in sex drives any difficulties in talking about sex can quickly become magnified, and while you may have tried to talk about the issue on several occasions, it can quickly feel like something neither of you wants to talk about. At that point talking may not be the best thing to do, but eventually you have to start communicating about the issue in order to get through it, around it, or even end the relationship in a respectful and loving way. Here are some ideas on what to do when talking isn’t working anymore.
Difficulty: N/A
Time Required: Talking about sex drive may require many conversations over time

Here's How:

  1. What Do You Mean By Sex?
    Whether you want more or less sex, what does it mean to you when you say you want sex? Do you want specific behaviors, specific outcomes (e.g. an orgasm)? Do you want more intimacy, more connection or more attention paid to you? We all assume we know what we mean when we say “sex” but sex has many meanings, and you should start by clarifying for yourself what sex means to you. At some point that’s something you can communicate to your partner.
  2. Define the Issue for Yourself
    It’s rare that one of you will be dissatisfied while the other is completely happy. Even if you like things the way they are, how do you feel about your partner’s dissatisfaction with your sex life? Does this issue feel like a relationship “deal breaker,” something that will have to be fixed or it will destroy your relationship? Does this feel like something that is less important to you than finding compromise on raising kids, or work or family? If you find out that your partner prioritizes sex differently than you, are you willing to compromise to stay in the relationship?
  3. Describe Your Sex Drive
    Your interest in sex is connected to many parts of your life. Have you taken the time to think about how your own history and your current life have influenced your interest in sex? One way to explore this for yourself is to write out your sexual history. This may not be something you share with your partner, but having a better understanding of your sexual desire can help you take responsibility when talking with a partner.
  4. When Talking Won’t Do, Write a Letter
    Don’t worry about floral language or grammar. Writing down what you want to talk about is a great step to clarify your issues for yourself and practice the way you might communicate it to your partner. Some people actually write their partner a letter, and end up giving it to them at a later point. Letter writing can be a powerful way to communicate your thoughts and feelings, and if done along with talking it can increase intimacy in a relationship in surprising ways.
  5. Compare Notes with Your Partner
    Have a conversation about what sex means to each of you. Don’t make this conversation about the current problems you have with your sex life. Instead start by keeping it broad, with the goal being that you each get to understand the role sex has played in each others lives before and during your relationship. Before you have this conversation, look over this sexual communication tip that emphasizes the importance of listening and reflecting back what your partner is saying. The goal of this conversation is just to eliminate problems of miscommunication and mistaken assumptions.
  6. Do You Have a Goal?
    One reason conversations about sex may get stymied is that you don’t have a goal in mind. Your goal might be specific or general. It might be that you want to know yourselves or each other better. It might be that that you want to find a way to stay together and both of you be happy. It might be that want to figure out if the relationship is worth saving. Maybe you have more than one. You can also change your goals. This tip isn’t one that will work for everyone, but for some people having a goal to work toward can help keep them on track.
  7. Avoid Blaming, Take Responsibility
    It’s easy in this situation for one partner to be labeled as the “problem” and for the other to deny any responsibility, claiming that they are happy with the way things are. If you’re that partner, ask yourself if you’re really happy knowing that your partner is unhappy? In reality, if one partner in a relationship is dissatisfied often the other is as well. When you do talk about issues of difference in sex drives avoid the temptation to blame each other and make an effort to each take responsibility for the situation.
  8. Remember You’re a Team
    Sometimes differences in sex drive are so great that a couple will choose to end the relationship. Ultimately this is the couple’s decision to make. But regardless of the outcome, if your partner is someone you love and respect, try to cultivate a sense of teamwork between the two of you rather than being on opposite teams battling it out. The ultimate goal is one you want to arrive at together, but when defenses go up and we feel challenged its often easier to get into a fighting posture than a cooperative one.
  9. Make Change a Possibility
    Often we can talk about ourselves and our partners as if we are incapable of change (“I’m just not that kind of person.” “She would never do that,” “I can’t see him offering that in a million years.”) The fact is that we are all capable of change, probably far more change than we imagine. This doesn’t mean we will change, but it does mean we can. But when we talk about our situation as if change were impossible we shut ourselves and our partners down and may actually make change harder to accomplish.
  10. Talk About Your Options
    There are many causes of sex drive discrepancies in a relationship and many ways of addressing the problem. Read over the above tips and talk about the options available to you. Are you both willing to try counseling or therapy? If you found a good book to help you navigate through these issues will you both be committed to reading it and talking about it regularly? In the end if only one of you is willing to work on this issue there may not be a lot of hope for a mutually satisfying resolution, so making sure you’re both on board seems like a crucial step in working toward change.

It might not be the first thing you do, but at some point you’re going to have to talk with your partner about these issues. If you don’t know where to start you might want to have a look at these tips on talking with your partner about difference in sex drive.

Start with yourself. It’s easy to blame your partner for problems in your relationship without considering what role you play in developing and maintaining the problem. This is particularly true when, on the surface, one partner is asking for more sex and the other is satisfied with the amount of sex in the relationship. It’s rare that one partner in a relationship completely satisfied while the other is not. Even if you think the problems all lie with your partner, ask yourself some questions about the situation to clarify your own needs:

  • When did you become aware of a difference in sex drive?
  • Do you know how much sex you’d like to have?
  • If you’re satisfied with your sex life as it is, how do you feel when you hear your partner isn’t satisfied?
  • If you’re dissatisfied with your sex life can you describe how without talking about the quantity?
  • When you say you want sex what does that mean to you?
  • When your partner asks for sex, what is it that you imagine they are asking for?
  • Without putting all the responsibility on your partner, what do you think are some of the causes of the difference in sexual interest or desire?
These are only a few questions, but taking time for yourself to answer these can be good preparation for talking with your partner.

Talk to your partner. This one might seem obvious, but if you’ve been struggling with difference in sex drive for a while you may be at a point where you feel like you can’t talk about it anymore. When you get to that point it can often be helpful to seek out a counselor or therapist. If therapy isn’t an option and you’re feeling like you don’t know how to talk about these issues in a different way than you have in the past, you might find some ideas in these articles:

Ultimately you need to be able to communicate with your partner in a way that isn’t about blaming each other. Try to remember that you’re in this together and the reason you’re struggling (presumably) is because you want to stay together. One way to change up the dynamic is to write a letter to your partner about how you’re feeling and ask them to respond by writing you a letter. Moving from talking to writing opens up many possibilities and can shake up old patterns that you both fall into when you talk about these issues.

Find a counselor or therapist. Some issues in relationships are so complicated and touch us so deeply that having a third party, someone who is there not for one partner or the other, but for the relationship, can be incredibly helpful. While therapy isn’t financially an option for everyone, if you can access affordable couples therapy or counseling you also benefit from the experience of other couples struggles with this very common problem. You don’t need to find a sex therapist as long as it’s a therapist who works with couples and is comfortable talking about sex (many aren’t!).

Finding self-help resources. There are dozens of books specifically about dealing with sex drive discrepancies in long term relationships. Often these books use the terminology of the “sexless marriage.” Finding a self-help book that works for you is always a matter of trial and error, and unless you have a limitless budget, going to the library and taking some time to flip through a few titles is a good way to get a feel for the tone of the book, what sorts of direct suggestions or help the book offers, and whether or not you feel the book is speaking to you. In my opinion the best book on this subject is Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. The book is not a step-by-step guide, but it is welcoming, easy to read, and offers the most complicated and nuanced approach for getting at what might be underneath the sex drive discrepancy that I have come across.

Explore sexual compromises. Just as you compromise with your partner on which movies you see, what you have for dinner, and maybe even where you end up living, long-term sexual relationships require sexual compromise. This doesn’t mean doing things you aren’t comfortable with, but it does mean having an open mind and being able to talk about your sexual preferences and desires honestly. Finding sexual compromise is much easier when all your sexual options are made visible. Often our sexual options seem narrow because we don’t really know what our partner desires. When we keep our desires secret it can appear as if we don’t have any, or only have the ones we are comfortable showing our partner on a regular basis. Uncomfortable though it might be, revealing our desires that we have kept hidden can be a crucial part of working through differences in sexual desire.

It’s quite common for couples in long-term committed relationships to find themselves at a point where one partner wants sex more, or less, than another, often referred to as differences in sex drive. There may be many reasons for discrepancies in sex drive and finding a way through the situation often means opening up discussion about your whole relationship, not just the sex part. It also means that cookie cutter solutions offered in the form of five-step plans don’t always work. The ideas below aren’t meant as a one-size-fits-all solution, but if you and your partner have very different levels of interest in sex and you’re not sure where to start to work on the problem, you may find this information helpful in opening up new thinking about a very old and very common dilemma.

Sex Drive Reality Check

Sexual desire or sex drive isn’t a static experience. Our sex drive may change over the course of a day, week, or month, and will change many times across our lifespan. If one of you doesn’t want as much sex as the other it might be a long-term situation, but it might not.

Long-term committed relationships require negotiation and compromise and that includes sex. It’s unrealistic to think that you will get everything you want, especially if you’re expecting it all from one person.

Change is always a possibility, if not always possible. Any kind of change is possible, and people’s ability to change can be unpredictable. At the same time there is no guarantee that any amount of thinking, feeling, and talking about your relationship will result in the change you want.

Avoid quantification and comparison. No good will come from one or both of you feeling pressure to perform or measure up in a way that matches what you think other people are doing. Sexual desire is an exquisitely unique expression of our individuality, and comparisons serve no one.

It might not be the first thing you do, but at some point you’re going to have to talk with your partner about these issues. If you don’t know where to start you might want to have a look at these tips on talking with your partner about difference in sex drive.

Start with yourself. It’s easy to blame your partner for problems in your relationship without considering what role you play in developing and maintaining the problem. This is particularly true when, on the surface, one partner is asking for more sex and the other is satisfied with the amount of sex in the relationship. It’s rare that one partner in a relationship completely satisfied while the other is not. Even if you think the problems all lie with your partner, ask yourself some questions about the situation to clarify your own needs:

  • When did you become aware of a difference in sex drive?
  • Do you know how much sex you’d like to have?
  • If you’re satisfied with your sex life as it is, how do you feel when you hear your partner isn’t satisfied?
  • If you’re dissatisfied with your sex life can you describe how without talking about the quantity?
  • When you say you want sex what does that mean to you?
  • When your partner asks for sex, what is it that you imagine they are asking for?
  • Without putting all the responsibility on your partner, what do you think are some of the causes of the difference in sexual interest or desire?
These are only a few questions, but taking time for yourself to answer these can be good preparation for talking with your partner.

Talk to your partner. This one might seem obvious, but if you’ve been struggling with difference in sex drive for a while you may be at a point where you feel like you can’t talk about it anymore. When you get to that point it can often be helpful to seek out a counselor or therapist. If therapy isn’t an option and you’re feeling like you don’t know how to talk about these issues in a different way than you have in the past, you might find some ideas in these articles:

Ultimately you need to be able to communicate with your partner in a way that isn’t about blaming each other. Try to remember that you’re in this together and the reason you’re struggling (presumably) is because you want to stay together. One way to change up the dynamic is to write a letter to your partner about how you’re feeling and ask them to respond by writing you a letter. Moving from talking to writing opens up many possibilities and can shake up old patterns that you both fall into when you talk about these issues.

Find a counselor or therapist. Some issues in relationships are so complicated and touch us so deeply that having a third party, someone who is there not for one partner or the other, but for the relationship, can be incredibly helpful. While therapy isn’t financially an option for everyone, if you can access affordable couples therapy or counseling you also benefit from the experience of other couples struggles with this very common problem. You don’t need to find a sex therapist as long as it’s a therapist who works with couples and is comfortable talking about sex (many aren’t!).
Find out more about how to find counselors and therapists near you.

Finding self-help resources. There are dozens of books specifically about dealing with sex drive discrepancies in long term relationships. Often these books use the terminology of the “sexless marriage.” Finding a self-help book that works for you is always a matter of trial and error, and unless you have a limitless budget, going to the library and taking some time to flip through a few titles is a good way to get a feel for the tone of the book, what sorts of direct suggestions or help the book offers, and whether or not you feel the book is speaking to you. In my opinion the best book on this subject is Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. The book is not a step-by-step guide, but it is welcoming, easy to read, and offers the most complicated and nuanced approach for getting at what might be underneath the sex drive discrepancy that I have come across.

Explore sexual compromises. Just as you compromise with your partner on which movies you see, what you have for dinner, and maybe even where you end up living, long-term sexual relationships require sexual compromise. This doesn’t mean doing things you aren’t comfortable with, but it does mean having an open mind and being able to talk about your sexual preferences and desires honestly. Finding sexual compromise is much easier when all your sexual options are made visible. Often our sexual options seem narrow because we don’t really know what our partner desires. When we keep our desires secret it can appear as if we don’t have any, or only have the ones we are comfortable showing our partner on a regular basis. Uncomfortable though it might be, revealing our desires that we have kept hidden can be a crucial part of working through differences in sexual desire.

It is common for couples in long-term, committed relationships to get to a point when they don’t have the same level of sex drive or desire to have sex. Discrepancies in sexual drive or sexual desire in a long-term, committed relationship might be the result of a range of factors. Here are just a few possibilities:

Conflict in other parts of your relationship play out in your sex life. So, you might really be fighting about money or family or work/life obstacles, but you end up playing out the fight in your sex life. Sometimes, one partner is blamed for doing this and told he is “withholding” sex out of spite. This may be the case, but the accusation can also be used as a cop out. If one of you is feeling genuinely angry or hurt or isolated, not wanting to have sex seems like a reasonable response, and not simply something done out of spite.

Lack of information or education about sex. If one or both of you were raised with little or no information about sex or with negative messages about your right to experience sexual pleasure, that history may get in the way of you taking your sex life to a more creative or deeper level. This isn’t about finding the right sex position or the perfect vibrator. But, a lack of sexual creativity can be sexually stifling, and this can lead to frustration and eventually a feeling of inevitability that your sex life won’t ever change.

Psychological issues unrelated to your partner. We all come to relationships with our histories and these histories become part of our relationships. One or both of you might be struggling with issues related to any number of factors (such as sexual identity, orientation, problems with physical or mental health, medical or recreational drug use, previous trauma, etc…) and these struggles can leave us without energy or interest in sex.

Difference in baseline sex drives. While our sexual desire and drive isn’t a fixed quantity, at any given time we all have our baseline interest in sex and a sense of how important sex is in our life. You and your partner may simply have different baseline sex drives and/or may prioritize sex differently. This difference may not reflect some deeper issue or difference; it might just be what it is.

Too much intimacy, not enough passion. Another important possibility, one that is the focus of therapist Esther Perel’s excellent book Mating in Captivity, is that the intimacy you have developed in your loving relationship is actually putting out the fire of eroticism that fuels your sexual relationship. Perel suggests that the pressures and expectations we put on our intimate romantic relationships can directly work against maintaining passionate and erotic sexual relationships.

Problems with discrepancies in sex drive can also be the result of many factors. Instead of considering the above possibilities a point of comparison, try to use them as a starting point to think about your own relationship and what you think might be going on. You can also share this article with your partner and see how they feel about it.